I see you’ve changed your hair. Did you do that for me?

“Are you going to be weird? I’m not talking to you if you’re gonna be weird.”

I’ll try.

“You’re on very thin ice.”

How’s Sundance?

“Cold and full of movie stars. I saw Kevin Bacon.”

How’d he look?

“Shorter than you’d think.”


“And I saw Peter Dinklage.”

How’d he look?

“Taller than you’d think.”

There’s a symmetry to it. Did the crowd like the movie?

“Loved it. Standing ovation. Well, half the crowd stood. The other half tried to stand, but their legs had fallen asleep and so they toppled over.”

Four hours is a long time.

“I am neither confirming nor denying any deaths from deep vein thombosis-related strokes.”

Gotta get up and walk around every hour or so.

“We told them in the safety announcement before the movie.”

How are the three stooges behaving?

“Bobby’s been pouting all weekend because it turns out that ‘ski sandals’ aren’t a thing.”

The activity requires you wear boots.

“Right. And he had this long argument with the guy about how he had really thick socks. No dice.”

Poor guy.

“Billy made a run at Selma Hayek.”

A man’s gotta know his limitations.

“Yeah, Billy doesn’t do well at altitude. Plus people keep giving him things.”

What kind of things?

“Everything. All the things. And he made a run at John Lithgow.”

Billy hit on John Lithgow?

“No, he literally ran at him.”


“Mickey started a drum circle in the line for the ski lift.”


“Turns out you shouldn’t do that at the base of a snow-covered mountain.”


“Big one. Elle Fanning is missing.”

How’s Dakota taking it?

“Much better than you’d expect. It’s kinda suspicious.”

See? We had a nice little chat without it getting weird.

“It’s not over yet.”



Hey, Trixie?


You know how I know you’re a Grateful Dead?


You got a rando.

“We’re done.”