Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Neither Of These Men Is Rappaport


“What’s this bullshit now?”

“We’re, uh, going to Mexico.”

“Shit, what’d we do?”

“We’re not fleeing the country, Bill.”

“Hail of bullets trying to cross the border, man. Gypsy told me that’s the way I go.”

“I think we’re gonna fly.”

“Oh, that’s okay then. The fuck we doing in Mexico?”


“Which band we bringing this time?”

“The, uh, Cheese People Something-Or-Other.”

“That don’t sound right.”

“Sally Ride and the Nancyboys.”

“I’d go see them. Don’t think so, though.”

“Snafu Mattress.”

“You’re just randomly firing your synapses out loud, Weir.”

“Could be, yeah. Whatshisface is coming. Keyboardist.”

“Tall one or dead one?”


“New Brent?”

“Is that his name?”

“No idea. Mexcio, huh? La skanka.

“You bet. You’ll have yourself a time.”

“How do you say, ‘Go wash your butthole,’ in Spanish?”

“Ask your watch.”

“Hey, Siri. How do you say, ‘Go wash your butthole,’ in Spanish?”

“Vaya a lavarse el culo.”

“Thanks, Siri.”

“The future, huh?

“Mexican skank! That’s the future, Weir. Gonna plow Mexican skank and make Mexico pay for it. They’re gonna pay.”


“First thing I do when I get down there, I’m gonna stage a billfight.”

“You mean a bullfight?”

“Nah. Billfight. Wanna know what it is?”

“Gonna have a billfight.”

“Hey, Weir: I’m gonna have–”

“What’s a billfight?”

“Find a skank on her period, make her flash red, and gore her.”

“Always a pleasure, Billy.”

“La skanka!”


  1. Po Quiz…
    If you could have a band with 2 out of the remaining 4.

    Wouldn’t you choose Bobby and Billy?

  2. Absolutely — not even close!

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