Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Neon Dream

rachel rando

You look like my college roommate Rachel.

“That’s great.”

Are you my college roommate Rachel?

“Was she one of those five-year-old geniuses?”

No.

“Then, no.”

You’re very visible.

“I’m in no danger from hunters.”

What if they’re hunting man?

“Still no danger.”

I meant “man” in the humanity sense.

“Oh, then: yes, danger. I’ve never been in a Most Dangerous Game situation before.”

No one has been. Until they are.

“I feel I would survive that game. I’m fit, I have great cardiovascular stamina, and I’m not afraid to use my feminine wiles.”

Describe these wiles.

“See the dimple?”

Yup.

“Smile?”

Uh-huh.

“Check out the rack.”

Okay.

“Wiles, bitch.”

You are wily. Do you date?

“You?”

Yes.

“No.”

Ah.

“I have a boyfriWHO SHOULD NOT BE TALKING TO THOSE SKANKS!”

naked guy two chicks

“BUT I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE, BABY!”

“THIS IS NOT HOW THE CAPTAIN RAISED YOU, TODD FUCK!”

I need to stop doing this bit.

4 Comments

  1. No sir.. the Bit is often very good.

    I know Comment Section advice is rude. I can’t stop myself, the internet makes me want to be rude.

    So here goes.. that second picture needed no words. It is perfect as it is. Words can only decrease the humor of that second picture.

  2. If you would stop ignoring me for a few minutes I could give you a hearty ass kicking like you deserve for this post, which, unfortunately for my case, made me laugh, heartily.

    COMMAS!

  3. No, you must never stop doing this bit.

  4. Mike & Gloria Gonna Be My Name

    August 24, 2016 at 12:58 am

    Yeah butTor-

    “THIS IS NOT HOW THE CAPTAIN RAISED YOU, TODD FUCK!”

    is pure comedy gravy, slathered on the open-faced tragi-comic sandwhich that is that pic. I laughed.
    And I mean, captioning funny pictures is kind of the whole TotD raison d’etre.
    ******
    Aaaaand now I’m arguing pseudo-pretentiously on a blog tangentially related to the grateful dead. Thanks internet!

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