Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Never Could Read No Road Map

Loyal Enthusiasts will note that while TotD has a shaky grasp on reality, geography is simply a bridge too far. Whether or not this is an outgrowth of my Omega-class mutant ability to get lost is up to smarter men than me. (I once got lost four times on one run to Newark Airport, which I grew up twenty minutes from.)

Notwithstanding my personal confusion and nightly prayers of thanks for the god that is GPS, the bigger picture still eludes me. In no random order (and so people will stop correcting me,) TotD presents stuff I will continue to be wrong about, placewise and stuff.

That was awful.

Shut up, you.

  • The mascot of every school in the UC system is the Banana Slugs.
  • Ireland and Scotland are the same place.
  • So are Seattle and Portland, but they also might be right next to one another or an elaborate put-on.
  • The Equator is an actual solid red line you can see.
  • New Zealand is visible from the coast of Australia.
  • TotD does not recognize the Gadsden Purchase.
  • Wakanda is real.
  • Latveria is probably real, but not sure.
  • If you are in a cabin and all windows face south, then the bear is white because it is a polar bear. Also, you are about to be eaten by a polar bear.
  • Anywhere you go in the entire world, 25 miles outside any city is the Deep South.
  • Venice is populated by Merpeople.
  • Transylvania is real.


  1. Course Transylvania is real, it’s a part of Romania these days. There’s a Transylvanian food cart in Portland/Seattle, but of course there is…it’s basically schnitzel and bad fries though, nothing exciting

  2. Leaving the east coast isn’t as scary as it sounds, you know.

  3. What Mr. Completely said. I’m actually a third-generation Transylvanian – Austria-Hungary at the time my folks correctly decided to GTFO.

  4. Sealand is an actual functioning country.

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