Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

No, Canada

TotD is a Canadiophile, even though that is not a word: my love for America’s neighbors to the north (if you write more than two sentences about Canada without including the phrase “neighbor to the north,” then Julian Assange moves into your house and doesn’t leave) is well-documented, but certainly not unique. Being a fan of Canada is not a bold position for an American to take: a WSJ/NBC poll asked the question in September; I would link to it, but the Wall Street Journal is behind a paywall, so I went there via Google and screenshotted the pertinent part because fuck them and their paywall: information wants to be free, unless it’s my information, and then you should either leave it alone or pay for it.

So, look:


That Canada has a higher approval rating than Michael Jordan or the Pope is understandable; let’s be honest: there’s a shitload of people who don’t like black folks or the Catholics Church. And I would understand if the 25% of Americans who didn’t have positive feelings towards Canada simply had no opinion on the Great White North. (Or–and again we need to be honest–they’re dumbfucks who haven’t heard of Canada; I bet there’s a lot more of them than you’d be comfortable with.)

But, as we see in the final sentence, the Mainstream Media has once again buried the lede, probably at the behest of Hitlery Rotten-Clinton, who is very crooked.

“Just” 3%? The word “just” does not belong to that thought. “Holy shit, ten million people hate Canada? How the fuck is that even possible?” would be a much better sentence than the one in the article, far more closely associated with reality. What kind of person would hate Canada?

TotD presents People In The 3% Of Americans Who Hate Canada:

  • Incredibly strict Nationalists.
  • Crazy fucks who also believe other crazy bullshit, but Canada got tossed into the mix somewhere along the way.
  • Mild contrarians.
  • Alex Lifeson’s jilted ex-lovers.
  • People who just wanna be wrong.
  • Pitchers who have faced Jose Bautista.

I got nothing. Not to infantilize a modern, prosperous, and forward-thinking nation, but hating Canada is like hating a puppy. A vaguely-socialist, passive-aggressive puppy.

(You do not want to know the numbers on Americans’ feelings towards Mexico, trust me.)


  1. Canada is North America’s Designated Driver. Mexico and “The States” look to Canada for sensible responses to crisis, and calm under pressure. Sure, I laffed at Rob Ford, but he was boxed in by the Toronto City Council and it wasn’t like he was put up for Prime Minister.

    Would that The States had been (rhymes with “teen”) equally sensible.

    • Corry, don’t you mean “grace” under pressure?

      • Thoughts On The Dead

        October 17, 2016 at 11:10 pm

        Canada is a lot of things, but not particularly graceful. Canada moves with a simple efficiency, but not a lot of grace.

        • You didn’t really miss the Rush reference now, did you?

          And how many jilted lovers does Alex Lifeson have? Enought to fit in a bread box?

          • Thoughts On The Dead

            October 18, 2016 at 12:28 am

            Dammit, I did.

            Well, the lovers can fit in a bread box after Alex Lifeson is done with them. The man’s a monster.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    October 18, 2016 at 11:33 am

    1 little 2 little…..

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