Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Not A Good Sign

Hey, Pope Francis. Where you going?

“I’m-a gettin’ outta da way. Ooh, is-a big-a storm.”

I didn’t know you were in Florida.

“Si, si. Take-a da vacation. Recharge-a da batteries.”

Was it relaxing?

“Oh, si. Read-a da books. Sat by-a da pool. Hang with-a da boys.”

The boys?


You know Pitbull?

“Signore Worldwide? Si, si. Better Catholic than-a he is a rapper.”

Well, that’s not tough.

“Si, si. He’s-a no Jigga Man.”

True that. Wait. Are you carrying your own bag?

“Of course! Who’s-a gonna do it?”

Literally anyone else. You’re the Pope.

“No, no. I-a carry. It keeps-a me humble. Besides, I got-a some sinful things in-a here.”

Your Holiness! What could you have?

“I got-a da Elena Ferrante books.”

She’s a genius.

“No one writes-a better about-a da female friendships.”

That’s what I hear. Anything else?

“I stole-a da robe from-a da hotel.”

Oh, Your Holiness.

“I couldn’t help-a myself.”

Was it white?

“Si, si. That’s-a my color.”

Anything else you’d like to confess?

“I got-a da nuclear codes in here, too.”

The Vatican has nukes?

“Shh. Don’t-a tell no one. Especially Benedict.”

Why does the Vatican have nukes?

“Who else you gonna trust with-a da nukes?”

I guess, maybe. Where do you keep the missiles?

“Why-a you think we got-a so many obelisks?”


“You didn’t buy-a dat Illuminati garbage, did-a you?”

A little.

“You’re-a smarter than that.”

I’m not.

“Si, si. I-a forgive you.”

Thank you, Your Holiness. Hey, uh, before you leave? Wanna throw me a little prayer here?

“Like in-a da first Rocky?”


Dominus Vobiscum.
Hey, Irma: Miss ’em!”

Good prayer, Your Holiness.

“Is-a what I do.”


1 Comment

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    September 8, 2017 at 11:33 am

    that’s pretty swank. an ass-pleat in his Vestments.

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