Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To


  • Better than China’s.
  • WiFi, but just on the U.S. side.
  • Maybe a big mural of Trump and Jesus and a gun and Jesus again.
  • Difficult to phase or teleport through, in case there is a team of Mexican X-Men. (Bad X-Hombres!)
  • Should not topple over if leaned against by fat guy, even if he is very fat.
  • Alligators taped to Mexican side.
  • So thick that Sir Mix-A-Lot would hit that shit.
  • Embedded invisible fence within wall, and we put shock collars on all the Mexicans and also we make the Mexicans pay for their own shock collars.
  • Really, really, really mean dogs everywhere.
  • Every third sentry tower has a pitching machine cranked up to 90 mph hooked up a Raspberry Pi with pattern recognition software, and if you’re shaped like a Mexican then you get a fastball to the face.
  • Put the whole thing on wheels so we can move it a couple feet south every night; in a few years, we’ll be halfway to Durango.
  • Moat made out of:
    • Lava.
    • Used hypodermic needles.
    • All the shit from the alligators we taped to the Mexican side.
    • Boiling oil. (Estimated cost of keeping a a 2,000 mile-long, 20’x10′ river of oil at 400 degrees: all-the-money-in-the-world a month.)
    • C.H.U.D.s


  1. The wall in that pic does not appear to be thirty feet high. Maybe 12 feet tops. And it looks more like a fence than a wall.

    Thirty feet was chosen because that is longer than even the longest extension ladder available at hardware chain, Su Casa, which would be about 20 feet. Thus even a giant 7 foot Mexican, standing on the top rung of the longest abvailable extenion ladder, would be barely able to reach the top of a thirty foot wall.

    OK, let’s make it forty feet high.


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