Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Now Museum, Now Mu Don’t

flags flags“Where do we meet after the show?”

“Steps of the Field Museum.”

“Good plan.”

Soldier Field must have a bit of the Dead’s juju embedded in the blueprints: it is the only outdoor location I’ve ever been where it is physically impossible to gain any sort of vantage. Each corner of the stadium is, against what we presume to be the laws of nature, lower than all the other corners. Did Möbius build football stadiums?

There are also depressions and shaded walkways and whole levels that seem to have no access points, and–I do not know if this is a permanent feature of Soldier Field–there were people everyfuckingwhere, some of whom thought the best place to conduct semi-legal business was smack-dab in the middle of the walkway. If you do this, I hope a piano falls on you.

This is, Enthusiasts, a terrible place to meet up with someone; the first day, at least: by the third show, the crowd had become such a well-oiled machine that we got through the whole evening in about 90 minutes.

And the worst way to meet someone at this terrible place to meet someone is that most modern of methods – texting at one another in the same general area, usually while waving like a doofus and walking in circles (also like a doofus.) First off, just getting to the same general area is a nightmare, and will almost certainly lead to this sort of exchange:

“I’m standing right by the Toyota with the Irish flag flying over it.”

“You can’t be. I’m standing by the Toyota with an Irish flag.”

“Are you waving?”

“I’m waving, yeah. Wave, wave, wave.”

“I mean, there could be more than one–”

“HOW MANY PARKING LOTS ARE THERE? I THINK WE’RE GONNA DIE HERE, MAN.”

And so forth.

TotD Top Tip: when meeting people at Chicago’s Soldier Field, do it at the Olmec head on the north lawn of the Field Museum; any chance to involve the Olmec in your day should be seized and relished.

16 Comments

  1. Morning Douche

    July 11, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    Just what do you guys have against tall people? And what’s wrong with being sexy?

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