Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

On The Morality Of Dosing Trump

It should be noted that the following dialogue is both hypothetical and satirical in nature.

Should Trump be dosed?


Well, that settles it.

It does.

It doesn’t. Defend your position.

I will argue first the categorical imperative, and then the historiochemical precedent.

Ooh. Calling your shots like Babe Ruth.

This ain’t my first rodeo.


Before I begin my arguments, I will first note that you shouldn’t do it because it’s, like, 100 years in federal prison.

So noted for the record.

The categorical: dosing people is wrong. It’s putting something in someone without their consent. It’s chemical rape.

But he sucks so bad.

Totally with you there, but a good deal of the reason for his suckiness is that he does stuff to people without their consent. This is a “two wrongs don’t make a right” situation.

Is there any situation in which dosing someone is acceptable?

Not a priori. The dosee can forgive the doser afterwards, but there’s never a time when it’s a moral act in and of itself.

What if you’ve got a bunch of friends who like dosing each other?

Then there’s an ongoing implied consent, and that would be fine. The group dosing strangers, however, would still be immoral.

What if a Grateful Dead doses you?

Like, Phil slips something in your grilled cheese at TXR?


Okay, there’s like one exception.

That would be awesome.


But, Jesus: wouldn’t a little acid help? Couple thousand micrograms to shoot the evil out of the fucker?

And now we come to the second argument, which is historiochemical in nature.

Did you make that word up?

Obviously, but it’s self-explanatory. This whole “dose Trump” nonsense is based upon an unbelievably shaky premise: LSD turns people good.

That’s a bit glib.

Is it? Someone’s gonna give the Turnip a great wallop of tie-dye juice, and the next morning he’s gonna be in sandals converting us to solar energy?

A little.

Right. You know who took a shitload of acid?

I have a feeling your example is not going to be a kind and loving man.

He was a family man.


Manson. Know who else?


Steve fucking Bannon. People want to dose the nasty fatso to make him compassionate? Well, the nasty fatso sitting right next to him ate as much acid as the next Deadhead, and he’s a literal monster. Nothing about this idea makes any sense.

It would be fun to watch, though.

It would be the Pay-Per-View event of the century. Still not right.


Sorry, buddy.


  1. ok, so i told you that i am not normally a bumper sticker user, but that difficult times beget difficult decisions, but really i negotiated with myself for days about the message itself. my normal self, the self i was prior to november, 2016, was strongly opposed to dosing people who had not requested to be dosed. but really, at this point, my feeling is that i don’t THINK it could hurt. it’s not going to make things WORSE, right?

  2. How do we know Bannon took acid?

  3. Tuesday Jackson

    March 19, 2017 at 8:29 am

    Melina’s look of horror as D.J.T.’s anguished life flashes before his mind, and his sudden need to wear a burka; as in such an event a veil is is better than any amount of explanations. For one must abandon reason when quarreling with unnaturally large dragonflies.

  4. Jeff Sessions could also use a mental tune up , maybe he and DJT could score some from the CIA stash , close up the White House and blow Dicks Picks 36 ( 9-21-72) from out of the intercom .?

  5. It takes an evolved brain for it to have an effect, I mean on old Reptile Brain Trump it would have no effect.

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