Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Other Warnings I Do Not Need

  • Wood alcohol is not the same as grain alcohol.
  • Don’t hammer a series of tenpenny nails into your neck/penis/neck and penis.
  • Cobras have little to no sense of humor.
  • Objects that will go into your ass won’t necessarily come out.
  • Never count your money at the table ’til the dealing’s done.
  • Don’t throw children into rivers.
  • Avoid wearing red or blue in South Los Angeles; orange or green in Northern Ireland.
  • Carousel horsies are not fuckable.
  • Actual horsies are not fuckable, either.
  • Don’t tickle Garcia.


  1. Don’t offer your dick to Billy. It will get punched.

  2. This story connects some dots for me. I had an ophthalmologist appointment this morning. Googled the name of the place for directions. It has the word eye in it. When I typed “eye” Google wanted to complete it with “eye tattoo”. And I questioned the judgment of today’s youth. Glad I was wrong.

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