• Why do all the intern candidates have nude shots? Because there is too many 8X10 glossies of dong up in here. This plan has backfired into our faces, y’all.
  • Can you make coffee?
  • Got a liver?
  • You’re the new road manager.
  • You’ve just been fired as the road manager.
  • Can you drive a stick?
  • Can you drive a stick after you’ve been dosed?
  • Well, we’re gonna find out, aren’t we, Slugger? Here’s the keys.
  • We’ve had a lot of the scions and doyennes of San Francisco royalty apply for these jobs, but no one with your pedigree, Harvey Milk, Jr!
  • How flammable are you, scale of one to ten?
  • I’m gonna just be honest with you, Carrie: you’re a stone cold teen fox and that’s going to be a problem in this work environment. Mostly in that closet right there of this work environment: it’s where Billy likes to pretend he’s a trapping spider.
  • Also, Carrie, since it’s the 70’s, it’s perfectly okay and legal somehow for all of this to go down. Try not to get pawed at by Billy on your way…you are getting pawed at by Billy. Good luck with that.
  • Someone tell Mickey to stop playing the applicant pool. It’s just weird and seems like he’s trying too hard.
  • I’m not going to tell you again, Mr. Davis: you can;t be an intern because you own the company and besides, Bobby thinks you’re gross and won’t shower in front of you for a million solo albums.
  • Do you have any coke?
  • Do you have any aunts and uncles?
  • Do they have any coke?
  • Seriously, find some coke, kid.
  • COCAINECOCAINE NOMNOMNOM
  • Hi, I’m gonna be doing the interview now.
  • So: got any coke?