- Mickey stole the hammer from the Test of Strength game and is chasing families up and down the Midway.
- Well, who told you to drop acid? You knew there were gonna be clowns here. It’s a high-probability clown zone, man. I put that in the morning newsletter.
- No, Bobby: you won the giant teddy bear, so you have to carry it.
- Keith and Mrs. Donna Jean were on the bumper cars and they started ramming into one another and Keith spun out and somehow drove through a Farmer’s Market.
- It’s a game, John Perry Barlow. You shoot the water gun into the clown’s mouth, balloon blows up, first to pop wins. Why would you pull out your revolver?
- “You saw everybody else shooting?” John Perry Barlow, go sit in the van until I come get you.
- Billy was kicked by a horse? Really?
- Oh, Billy kicked a horse. Much more likely.
- I don’t think we can jam with them. They’re being dicks. Aso, they’re animatronic bears, but it doesn’t excuse the bad vibes.
- Bobby, what do you mean your giant teddy bear disappeared? It didn’t get up and walk away.
- Oh, it did? That means Brent is now wearing it and looking for–well, “victims” is probably the most precise word, but he’s a friend…
- You dosed the carnies? I dosed the carnies. Wow, how many…shit, this is actually no joke. Carnies are only human in a legal sense. We should get in the van and go before this place turns into blood salad.
- No, I don’t specifically know what “blood salad” means, but you wouldn’t order it, wouldja? I wouldn’t even go to a joint that served blood salad.
- The guy who guesses people’s weight just guessed Garcia’s weight and Parish broke his nose.
And a TotD bonus: Things Bobby Ate At The Fair!
Hot dog, corn dog, cheese dog, lost dog, Nate Dogg, cotton candy, wool candy, lifesaver he found in pocket of jean shorts, astronaut ice cream, cosmonaut borscht, giant turkey leg, deep-fried candy bar, deep-fried hamburger, deep-fried deep fryer (they dip the whole thing in,) fried dough, fried ray, fried me, Italian ice, French fries, Swedish Surprise (the surprise is that it’s Finnish,) every variety of chimichanga (there are only two varieties,) unidentified pills given to him by fans, Cheeto pie, Frito pie, Jared Leto pie, a whole watermelon at once by unhinging his jaw and swallowing the thing, Phil’s dust (there was a footrace at one point.)