No one knew where the Terrordactyls came from. Worse, no one knew where they would come from. Their attacks came first from the ocean and centered on coastal cities like San Francisco, Boston, and many others that I would have the decency to remember if they had had the decency to be in America.

But there they were in the mountains. Katmandu went in no time and then the beasts knocked over Everest and K2, just to be dicks. All the rich, white idiots being carried up the slope were lost; the Sherpa were fine, as Sherpa are unkillable unless you bring them to sea level, where the air pressure causes their lungs to sort of implode.

They popped out of the Great Lakes (except for Huron, because fuck Lake Huron: it is the Ringo of the Great Lakes) to savage Buffalo, laying waste to a third of the buildings and bridges: almost forty grand worth of damage. (Detroit tried in vain to lure the Terrordactyls in hopes of getting some free demolition work.)

Nations around the world responded. The UK decided to protect London at all costs, layering the city with many defences and walls and cameras, which cost money so taxes had to be jacked sky-high, which made everything else stupidly expensive, and the whole place had become such a nightmare that all the broke and interesting people moved to Berlin, which was promptly eaten by the Terrordactyls.

Belgium went with their historical strategy of sitting in the back of Europe and hoping no one noticed them. It worked. Good job, Belgium.

Four or five Middle East countries believed that best defense against the monsters was sneak-attacking Israel. It went as well as the other times it’s been tried.

Other countries such as Burkina Faso, or Tonga, or any of the ‘Stans did as much as they could afford, so nothing.

As always, it fell to America to save the world, with an idea it stole from the Japanese. And then outsourced the actual building to China. And, tell the truth, there was a weirdly large number of Canadians on the design team, and they ordered lunch from this Greek place at least three times a week.

America would build the world a colossus. And then it would give that colossus a laser-penis, stuff a frenzied drummer from another timestream in its head, and point it at the monsters.

That’s what Americans do.