Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Page Turner

Hey, Sam Cutler. Whatcha doing?

“Paying f’r the drinks, most likely.”

Jimmy’s still cheap?

“His frugality has become a necessary component of ‘is personality. I once saw ‘im ‘aggle with a Pakistani shopkeep over a pack o’ gum. Took ‘im an hour, but ‘e got the man down to six pence from three ha’pennies and a farthing.”

British currency was inexplicable for years.

“Made the mistake of trying t’ explain it t’ Bobby on the ’72 tour. We both broke down in exhausted weeping.”

Sure. Gotta say: Jimmy looks good. Well-preserved.

“Ironic you should use that phraseology, me son. Pagey was addicted to formaldehyde for most of the 80’s.”

Straight formaldehyde?

“Brought to ‘im by a 12-year-old Satanist.”

That sounds right.

“Best not t’ look into the particulars of Pagey’s past if you’re looking t’ keep enjoying those Zeppelin records.”

Everyone knows the Zeppelin organization was made up of monsters.

“You have no idea, me boy. Percy used to visit elementary schools to defecate on the teachers. Those are ‘ard-working people. They didn’t deserve that.”

They didn’t. Why did you call Robert Plant “Percy?”

“Because he was a great big poofter.”


“Bonzo was illiterate. Liked buying books, though.”


“He’d throw them at people. Real ‘ard, too. Not paperbacks, either. Saw ‘im send four members of Bill Graham’s crew to ‘ospital with the Encylopaedia Brittanica.”

Ow. What about John Paul Jones? He was supposed to be the dignified one.

“Mobbed up.”


“Enforcer for the Kansas City outfit. Vicious man with the icepick.”

I’m learning a lot.

“I am a great teacher, me son. Better’n those what Percy shat upon, anyway.”

Good point.

1 Comment

  1. Was I the only one hoping to see Nik Turner?

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