What’s the state of your trousers? Are they intact or holier than the Pope’s mother? Does every little breeze seem to whisper Louise on your nethers and privates? If you are a stone-cold teen fox, can you feel the wind on your sweet and pink little nubbin? If you are old, is there a draft hitting your stained and crusty asshole?
Has your dick and/or balls fallen out today? And, not “fallen out” like it usually does: an actual accident.
If so, try Bobby Patches! They’re iron-on patches, which means you place the patch on the spot you desire, let the iron heat up, place a thin towel over the whole shebang, and press down with the iron really hard for a minute. After that, get a needle and thread and sew the thing on* because the ironing never worked.
* WARNING: Do not sew Bobby Patches© over eyes in hopes of looking like Bobbeard the Pirate. You will not be able to see and you will crash your Honda.