Dear Deadhead,

As in days of the past, we have had an overwhelming demand for tickets, and, regrettably, have not been able to fill your order.

We have, though, cashed your money order and used the money to buy pizza and running shoes. It’s what Garcia would have wanted.

This isn’t the end for you, though. A large assortment of VIP packages is available. Or, you could just blow Parish. That always got you in th show in the old days.

There is also the chance that more seats may become available: we are turning the entire floor into GA, and, as doing that can only lead to every jackass in the stands leaping down onto the field, we are thinking about selling each lower deck seat twice, maybe three times.

The seats behind the stage may also be made available, but only if everyone promises not to look at Bobby’s bald spot.