Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Pitched Fit

Good things about Pitchfork: several of my innertube Rock Nerd friends write for them, and I would assume they get paid for their efforts; this is a wonderful thing.

Bad things about Pitchfork: everyfuckingthing else.

Go look at this. It’s their list of the 200 BEST EVAR songs of the 1970’s, and it’s a hoot. Ramones top out at #38, way under Patti Smith (who was the East Coast Jim Morrison), and Disco is as poorly represented as always, and–wait, what the fuck.

MY SWEET FUCKING LORD is on the list? That bearded weak link stole that song from The Chiffons! Jesus, Pitchfork. Okay, now you’ve got my full attention. We shall now go to randomized bullet points, and you brought this on yourself. (No one at Pitchfork is listening, as the new Frank Ocean album was just released, and it is three weeks long.)

  • American Girl is only #158? Kiss my ass.
  • Surrender is #142. Rockford’s favorite sons Cheap Trick are at #142, and Can is #54? NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKES CAN, PITCHFORK. Can is the German Captain Beefheart: if you don’t pretend to like them, you get thrown out of Bleecker Bob’s.
  • “Hey, do you know anything about country music?”
  • “No.”
  • “Me, either.”
  • “Just put a Dolly Parton song and a Waylon Jennings in there.”
  • “Done.”

Oh, fuck this, this whole list is fucked: you can’t compare Side Two of Miles Davis’ Jack Johnson and She’s Gone by Hall & Oates, and there’s no New York Dolls–Personality Crisis has a better chorus than any of this bullshit–and Kate Bush is obviously a Gilda Radner character, Jesus, Pitchfork.

And now I’m bored and this is pointless; this list is illegitimate, provably so:

If Another Girl, Another Planet (1978) isn’t on the list, then the list is wrong.

AND, fuckers, AND what about paying a little respect to the King?

1972: his last great single. Far be it from me to suggest that Lou Reed didn’t deserve all 83 slots he was awarded on your list, but I truly think there might have been a little room for Elvis. Jesus, Pitchfork.

Holy shit, there’s no Zevon. FUCK YOU, PITCHFORK.

8 Comments

  1. Did you just mention Another Girl Another Planet !!!
    And Burning Love..

    I would ask you to Gay Marry me, but I am afraid Captain Fuck would intervene.


    Tor

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      August 22, 2016 at 11:49 pm

      I will–just between you and me–admit to liking The Replacements’ version a little better than the original.

  2. These type of lists always have their pitfalls, but you’re totally right that this list totally sucks. Sorry if this too long, but the election is getting to me so I went bigly or was that big league? Hopefully it’s tremendous:
    -Personally 8 songs of the Top 10 songs would have been from The Stooges Funhouse and they didn’t even have one of them. Gimme Danger is a better Stooges song from Raw Power than Search & Destroy. They got The Passenger right, but no Sister Midnight or Dum Dum Boys makes me wonder. The Idiot is a much better record than Lust for Life or Heroes(which was produced at the same time as The Idiot). They had two from Lust for Life and the title track of Heroes. Still 4 songs from Iggy and not one of them was from Fun House?
    -No Alice Copper songs. Why? Also no Aerosmith song makes zero sense. I like The Immigrant Song, but Sweet Emotion seems far more original. No Kashmir also seems like a major omission as well(would have preferred that one to Immigrant Song)
    -Not even a fucking Eagles song. or Joe Walsh’s Rocky Mountain Way or In the City or Funk 49 by the James Gang.
    -Blank Generation is far better than Marquee Moon which shouldn’t have been in the top ten. Richard Hell was the original magic of Television and the Voidoids one great record proves it.
    -I am a gigantic Hendrix fan, but Machine Gun is really from the ’60s even if it was recorded on Jan 1,1970. Shouldn’t be on the list though it’s better than 96% of what else is on the list so it can stay, but should be in the top 20 in that case
    -A song by The Faces, but nothing from Rod Stewart’s Every Picture Tells a Story-even an ironic music nerd can see how stupid that is. I want my Mandolin Wind god dammit. Hell Rod’s Tonight’s the Night or Da Ya Think I’m Sexy is probably better than 75% of the songs picked. Ron Wood was better with Rod Stewart.
    -Nothing from Exile on Main St?!?!?! Seriously!!!!!!! That record is the essence of the ’70s. Clint Eastwood is right, that this current generation is a bunch of pussies. I bet Lester Bangs would agree with me on this one.
    -I like some of the obscure choices on the list, but Black Flag Nervous Breakdown really is nowhere near as good as Damaged or My War. Hell it’s not as good a Jealous Again meaning all of their best work was in the early ’80s, so its inclusion is beyond comprehension to me and I am still a huge fan of Black Flag(you do realize Greg Ginn is a huge Deadhead).
    -I adore Nick Drake and have been into him from before the box set was reissued in 1984/85. No one was really into him during the ’70s and that should count for something if it’s in a best song of a decade list(popularity isn’t the end all, but no one got into Nick Drake until that stupid Bug commercial which hopefully made his sister some good money). The fact that they didn’t pick Parasite instead of the song that got introduced with the aforementioned Bug commercial(Pink Moon) didn’t help Pitchfork’s cause in my eyes.
    -Throbbing Gristle does not need to be on this list for a track on a record that not many people have still ever listened to. 20 Jazz Funk Greats was released in Dec, 1979 anyways and probably didn’t make it to New Music Distribution Service until 1980 anyways. Very stupid choice except it sounds way fresher than Daft Punk & Kanye West which both obviously reference TG. Sleazy did design the cover to Wish You Were Here, so I guess TG can be in the list for that alone. I re-listened to the track for the first time in decades, so I pivoted.
    -I was afraid that Joy Division would make it on this list. Next to the Velvets & Stooges, they are my favorite band(in some ways they might be as I listen to them more regularly at this point). They shouldn’t be on the list for various reasons, but I get why they are. I wish they had picked Shadowplay over Transmission. The Gang of Four shouldn’t be on this list especially with only one Sex Pistols song. that didn’t even crack the Top 100.
    -An obscure song from the mediocre James Chance & the Contortions, but nothing from Beefheart’s Spotlight Kid, Clear Spot or Bat Chain Puller…HELLO do we need to hire some Russian hackers to rectify this injustice. Beefheart also belongs on this list more than one of the more pedestrian Can songs. I like Can, but they shouldn’t be on this list.
    -I counted three Steely Dan songs and not one of them was Do It Again, Kid Charlemagne, Rikki Don’t Lose That Number or Reeling in the Years ? I might have missed one of them, but I didn’t see one the aforementioned songs. Maybe it’s because my mom listened to Aja constantly so that anytime I hear it, I want to put on Crass or something very abrasive to clear the aural stench. Can’t believe they picked two songs from this infernal record. Again very stupid choices.
    -I didn’t see the theme from Shaft or anything from the Superfly soundtrack though I did see Isaac Hayes & Curtis Mayfield. These were very important to the ’70s sound and neither one is there. No Barry White either(those honorable mentions don’t count as a pick in my book)
    -The Spinners Rubber Band Man or The Back Stabbers are much better than the one that they did pick (Could it be I’m Falling in Love)
    -I hate Layla, but it should be on this list. So should Fly Like an Eagle.
    -Was there even one Bee Gees song? Even you don’t like them, they defined the sound of the ’70s: Jive Talking still sounds original 4 decades later.
    -I like Benny & The Jets and Rocket Man better than the Elton John song they picked. Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting would have been better choice as well. It also would have been better than the Lou Reed tracks they picked
    -What real Velvet Underground fan likes Doug Yule’s solo album Loaded? Too many songs from Transformer on this list and not one from Berlin or Street Hassle shows they know zilch about Lou Reed. Side C of Metal Machine Music would have been better choice overall. So would have every track on John Cale’s Paris 1919, but that record probably isn’t obscure enough.
    -Electric Funeral, Paranoid or Iron Man are better songs than War Pigs. I would have personally picked Children of the Grave, Supernaut or Tomorrow’s Dream but you couldn’t expect anyone at Pitchfork to pick a great Sabbath song(not that War Pigs isn’t,).
    -They loved all of this Brazilian music that I like, but not one track from Victor Jara? Pretty much everything he did in the ’70s is better than Tangled Up in Blue. Then again I like anything from Planet Waves better than anything on Blood on the Tracks so I’m probably not very reliable barometer when comes to Dylan. Anybody executed for playing music on orders by Pinochet belongs on this list on that basis alone. I don’t think Dylan would have been as committed. If Victor sang in English, people might care about him more. I have always found the lack of acknowledgement about his greatness to be very strange.
    -Why isn’t LA Woman or Riders on the Storm on this list? Makes no sense. Both are great tracks that were actually recorded after 1970. One of them should have made #189 or something. Roadhouse Blues is also from ’70s.
    -The Cure Boys Don’t Cry wasn’t released until 1980, so Warren Zevon should have been included on that basis alone. I think you should petition your friends at Pitchfork that they couldn’t even go to google and fact check it. I did and I hate The Cure too. Now I want my time back Pitchfork for a song that wasn’t even released in the ’70s that is in the top 100 of said list.
    -Why in the hell isn’t Golden Earring’s Radar Love on this list?
    -Why isn’t AC/DC’s Highway to Hell on this sucker. Way better song than Nervous Breakdown though I like Black Flag more. No one was that into AC/DC during the ’70s., so they should fit their seeming criteria
    -Van Halen’s Eruption is more important than Van Morrison’s Caravan. Simple as that. So is Atomic Punk. It’s also better than Highway to Hell, Nervous Breakdown & War Pigs and I don’t even like Van Halen. Why isn’t freaking Van Halen on the list? Ain’t Talking Bout Love or Running with the Devil would have sufficed. I like Punk Rock much better, but if they are going to try to presage ’80s synth pop by picking a Throbbing Gristle track released in Dec, 1979 or a fairly mediocre Black Flag track to presage LA Punk over Van Halen’s impact on millions of guitar players, then it is proof positive that David Lee Roth’s thought that rock critics must all look like Elvis Costello(who seemed somehow lost in this as well, but maybe Alison made it in there somehow probably above your beloved American Girl-just checked he had two tracks and The Sex Pistols & Clash only had one. I always thought Elvis was fairly boring. I would have preferred Kentucky Rain by Elvis Presley though Burning Love works better than most on this list).
    -I got to stop or I won’t, but I keep finding new things in this infernal list. Metal Guru over Bang on Gong or Jeepster for T Rex? Why was the Damned even included? You’re right that New York Dolls is a major omission-they could gone in there over The Cure’s song from 1980 or The Damned. The Buzzcocks could have as well, but they are probably too passe. Then where in the fuck is Willie Nelson’s Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain? A track from Carole King? What about Hawkwind? King Crimson? No Bowie tracks from Low, but two from Hunky Dory? I haven’t even touched upon Pink Floyd’s Dark of the Moon not even having one track on this list. Not even Echoes from Meddle. Pretty much everything on ZZ Tops’ Tres Hombres kicks butt on Pitchfork’s Best List Evar. I’m never reading Pitchfork again. Thanks for making this crystal clear man.

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    August 23, 2016 at 11:28 am

    no Gord. poo-in-the-pants.

  4. Right on wrayven!
    Funnily enough a little while back , late in the evening, I chanced upon some top 100 albums of the 70’s by pitchfork written in 2004 or so. I thought, ok I’ll just make a Spotify playlist with these top 100 albums, alas, I’ve had to heavily edit it and expand it because it was the usual white bread rock nerd sacred albums, many pretty much unlistenable, while the real decent records from the 70’s go unlisted. Shortly after noticing that article I noticed pitchfork was bought by some new outfit. I didn’t even realize they were still around.
    Anyway here is some good tunes from the 70’s or so, for fellow enthusiasts.
    https://open.spotify.com/user/rascarlos/playlist/7sgDDysG0Rm7UeyAWAWl2H

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*