Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Please Continue, Texe And Freeman

texe freeman mummy

“Freeman, you honor our show with your presence.”

“The library threw me out, Texe.”

“Who are we looking at here? Who’s in the coffin?”

“Well, Texe, you will notice that our friend is not in a coffin, but a sarcophagus.”

“My word! That is the single most occult way you can bury someone.”

“I do not know about that: inverted crucifixion will get the Devil on the phone right away.”


“Throwing a virgin into a volcano. Do that and Baphomet takes your calls and adds you on Snapchat.”

“Gotta be the right virgin, though.”

“C’mon, Texe, obviously. Pretty girl virgin. Can’t summon any demons if you chuck Eugene from the school band into the lava.”

“Did the Grateful Dead sacrifice any virgins?”


“I’ll move on by moving back: who’s in the sarcophagus?”

“Who would you expect to be in the sarcophagus, Texe?”

“An Egyptian, Freeman.”

“What kind?”


“Thank God you know me, my friend. Your thoughts are at ground-level and I am an elevator: let me take you to the Penthouse of Truth.”

“I want to go there with you, Freeman.”

“Of course you would think that a body in a sarcophagus was an Ancient Egyptian. Their entire economy was based around a river flooding and building things for the pharaoh to die in.”

“It was a singular culture. Did aliens build the pyramids?”

“Just the first one.”


“After that, the Ancient Egyptians were all ‘Thanks, we got it now,’ and the aliens went to South America to build things.”

“Such as?”

“Soccer stadiums.”

“The involvement runs so deep, Freeman. Which aliens were these?”

“That would be the Anunnaki race. Shape-shifters. Very skilled in construction.”

“In league with the Jews?”

“All alien races are in league with the Jews, Texe. In fact, due to intraterrestrial breeding stemming from strategic marriages, most Jews are now at least part alien; and vice versa.”

“When will the Jews, and the aliens, and the alien Jews finally release us from their ever-tightening grip, Freeman?”

“The truth shall set us free, Texe. That’s why we make these YouTube videos, despite the danger it puts us in.”

“I am under attack. Three calls from the CIA pretending to be telemarketers, and someone ordered a pizza to my house. Probably MI6. Maybe MI7, 8, or 9.”

“Was bacon on the piazza, Texe?”

“It was, it was.”


“My God! They may as well have signed it!”

“Two plus two equals Jew, Texe. Are you aware of the Trilateral Commission, weavers of webs and pullers of strings?”

“I am.”

“What about the Quadrilateral Commission?”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

“That’s what they want. They’ve been putting flouride into the toothpaste for years.”

“Bastards. Is the Priory of Sion part of this?”

“In some ways. In other ways, not as much.”

“You are an enlightening man, Freeman.”

“Yes, I do enlighten.”

“Is it like a Chinese ‘X’? Is it TEH-zshay?”




“Why are you being so difficult?”


  1. Gold.. Diamonds, keep digging.

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