• Money troubles.
  • Irreconcilable differences.
  • Differences that could be reconciled, but both parties chose not to.
  • Jolie kept mistaking Pitt for a foreign baby, and then buying him.
  • Becky with good hair.
  • For the past three or so years, she kept catching him watching Gia late at night while muttering to himself, “That’s the one I wanted,” and she just got sick of it.
  • Sometimes movie stars just grow apart.
  • One of the rumors is that Brad Pitt was spending too much time with Angelina Jolie’s estranged father, Jon Voight; if this is true, then Team Angie: that guy’s a gibbering monkey with a fang where his dick should be. (Jon Voight seems like one of those old white guys who’s perfectly palatable if he’s not talking about politics, but give it a minute and he’ll start talking politics.)
  • Illuminati told them to.
  • Brad dragged her to the nightmare that was the L.A. Coliseum for the Rams home opener, and that was the last straw.
  • One or both was humping up on someone they should not have been humping up on.