Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Possible Women For The New Ten Dollar Bill

  • Courtney Love.
  • Carrie Nation.
  • Carrie Fisher.
  • Georgia O’Keeffe.
  • Either of the two Destiny’s Children who were not Beyoncé.
  • Beyoncé.
  • Big-Dicked Sheila.
  • Mamie Eisenhower.
  • Mamie Van Doren.
  • Ronald Reagan in a wig and makeup.
  • Morgana the Kissing Bandit.
  • Rosie the Riveter.
  • Rosie the Robot.
  • Rosie McGee.
  • Kate Middleton
  • The lady from the cover of Maggot Brain.
  • Annie Oakley.
  • Calamity Jane.
  • Founder of Portland, OR, Penelope Portland.
  • Founder of Portland, ME, Renesmee Portland.
  • Elvira. (The one with the boobs and hair.)
  • Elvira. (The one about whom “giddy-up-a-mow-mow” is sung.)
  • Divine.
  • Madea.
  • RuPaul.
  • Jackie Kennedy in the blood-stained pink outfit and pillbox hat
  • Mary Todd Lincoln during one of her spells.
  • Sally Hemmings.
  • Sally Marr.
  • Sally Ride.
  • Sally Struthers.
  • Vanessa Del Rio.
  • Caril Ann Fugate.
  • Bonnie Parker.
  • Patty Hearst.
  • Ethel Rosenberg.
  • Tupac’s mom.
  • Any of the blonde ladies from Fox News.
  • Bo Derek. (Cuz she’s a “ten.” Get it?)
  • An inspiring and celebrated Asian or Latina woman, whoever she may be.
  • Margaret Thatcher. (I know she’s British, but Reagan fucked her, and that’s good enough for me.)
  • Any of the Real Housewives of either Atlanta or Beverly Hills. (Not the Jersey ones: those women are trashmonsters and prostitution whores.)
  • Shelley Long, but then after a few years we switch to Kirstie Alley and everyone likes the new bills way more.
  • Margaret Sanger. (Just to watch Glenn Beck’s head explode. Also, the whole “improving society” thing.)

Honestly, though: this is good and timely and it better be Harriet Tubman.


  1. Ann fucking Coulter, man! Sarah Palin! Mrs. Donna Jean!

  2. Sir Luther Van Baconson

    June 18, 2015 at 8:10 am

    Gig Gangel

  3. I read a book about J.Q. Adams and Andrew Jackson and some antebellum election and my major take-away was that AJ (and by extension everyone from TN) was a horrid indigenous peoples-murdering monster who singlehandedly started America’s backslide.

  4. Deborah Koons, Jill Lesh, and Joan Baez……The holy trinity of ……

  5. Janice Joplin. Preferably a pic of her and Pigpen guzzling Southern Comfort. This pick should be announced on National Cirrhosis Day.

  6. Bob Weir circa late 67 / early 68

  7. No Kate Smith. Huh.

  8. I feel like you’d enjoy this, Mr. TotD:

  9. Alice Coltrane. Betty Davis. Nina Simone.

  10. Georgia O’Keeffe with 2 effs, if you give an “f” about it…and Kristen Wiig and Amy Poelher and Amy Schumer! Let’s get some real comics in the White House!!!

  11. Richard Parker

    June 18, 2015 at 10:49 pm

    Miss Liberty (should have never been taken off our money)

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