I may, from time to time, exaggerate. This comes as a shock, sure, but I’m being more honest than anyone’s ever been in history. Even foreign history.
The move was not a move at all. I’ve moved my actual residence around a dozen times since leaving home, and every time was the worst time. Any wisdom about moving you accrue is perfectly matched by the amount of stuff you accrue. You know as well as I do that books have sex while you’re sleeping and give birth to more books.
Not a digital move. Truly much simpler, and much easier on the knees. Also, at no point did I have to drive a 19′ cargo van through the middle of Boston at two in the afternoon. It took me an hour to find the theme and install it (there will be tweaks); the site hooks itself up to Twitter and Facebook if you ask it nicely; the app connected to the new address in five minutes. (It would have been two, but I forgot my user name, and then my password, and then I got up and walked into the kitchen for no reason at all.)
Importing the archives was the toughest part, but I stuck to my guns, and eventually someone did it for me. An intelligent, compassionate, and handsome man named Mike Mueller volunteered his valuable time to import (or export or deport or whatever) the archives; for this, he is named to the Ancient and Most Noble Order of the Barter.
In addition, Mike joins luminaries such as David Gans and Joel Murray–
Please leave Joel Murray out of this.
–in being able to call himself an FoTotD (Friend of Thoughts on the Dead), which entitles him to 10% off at all Quizno’s. (Sadly, it also comes with an automatic ban at Terrapin Crossroads: the restraining order is remarkably far-reaching.) Mike is also entitled to use the title Sir Michael. He may also be addressed as His Miraculousness or, you know: just Mike. He’d probably prefer Mike. If someone called me Sir TotD, I’d toss their tea into the ocean.
So, do me and yourself a favor and visit him at AreWeConnected.com. He builds websites, although I think most people have to pay him, or at the very least contact him first. In all honesty, Mike will probably not arrange with your sister-in-law to do your work for you. Probably a one-shot deal, so if you have website needs, be direct and ask the man.
Even better, you can pledge a couple bucks and back him in the Cycle for Survival he’s doing on February 27th. All the money goes to Sloan-Kettering, specifically for research into rare cancers.
You’ll probably need to resubscribe over here, I would assume, and if your comments don’t show up immediately, it’s because you have to be re-approved. (I will be maintaining much stricter discipline in the Comment Section over here; you guys trashed the last place. I did not get the deposit back. There’s gonna be at least 30% less grabass in there, or I’m cracking skulls.)
Guess that’s it.
Tell ’em about the–
KNOCK IT OFF.
You know you want to.
You’re the devil.
Pleased to meet you.