Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Predictions About Bobby’s Big Interview With Dan Rather

  • Bliss will be mentioned.
  • I will spend a goodly portion of it distracted by Bobby’s facial hair.
  • Then, I will remember that Bobby’s had that nonsense for over a decade and I will start to feel old myself.
  • At a certain point, Bobby pulls out his guitar and sings to Dan Rather.
  • Men shouldn’t sing to other men.
  • I know it’s a retrograde and gay panic-y bullshit rule, but it’s a good rule: hold the door for people, don’t molest the fruit in the produce aisle, and don’t sing to another man.
  • Those are the New Rules of Masculinity, so I just saved you from ever having to read another issue of Esquire.
  • Bobby will talk about Garcia.
  • Bobby may or may not mention the other men in the Grateful Dead.
  • Bobby will not mention Mrs. Donna Jean.
  • The song Bobby wants played at his funeral is Cassidy, which is a good choice and making fun of that is dickish.
  • Pointing out that he did not choose Picasso Moon is fine.
  • Mickey also wants to point out that Bobby did not choose Lost Sailor.
  • Twenty minute rant on how he can’t get rid of this wicked fucking slice; he’s about to throw the fucking clubs away and start playing tennis, or drinking in the afternoons.
  • Card trick or two.
  • If you were told that “one of the Dead from Dead & Company” was being interviewed by Dan Rather and asked if you’d like to bet on the possibility that Dan Rather was slapped for asking a rude question: you need to make that bet.
  • 66% shot Dan gets one in the chops.
  • Bobby wouldn’t do that, though.
  • Bobby will talk about his wife, Natasha Monster.
  • The environment will be mentioned.
  • Maybe yoga.
  • Diet may or may not be discussed.
  • Speaking of yoga, Bobby has been doing it for years and has mastered the technique of yana-prartha-sadhi, which is a fancy Indian way of saying that Bobby can silently drop a kale fart at you from ten paces while maintaining a straight face.
  • Bobby will make that gesture.
  • The one where it looks like he’s grasping a large, invisible ball in front of him.
  • Ah, fuck it: watch it yourself:

30 Comments

  1. 2 things:
    1. Bobby has a strange voice. Sounds almost like his tongue is twisted and his words are half-spoken. (See what I did there?) But seriously, it sounds like he’s been eating ice cream and his mouth is too cold to fully produce the words the way any other person with a normal and warm mouth would be able to.
    2. I’m saving this for tomorrow so I have something to be excited about when drifting off to sleep soon. Kind of like when you know you just bought your favorite kind of cereal and you can’t wait till the morning comes just so you can eat that first delicious bowl. I am so in love with the little things in life.

  2. Disaster Amnesiac

    August 13, 2015 at 9:36 am

    Kreutzmann Dick Punch Takeover!

  3. I heard about this. Wrote it off an an Onion prank.

  4. I picked up a 1968 East Palo Alto High School Yearbook today and this ad was in the back.

    http://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTYwMFgxMjUz/z/iekAAOSw9N1VzOXp/$_57.JPG?rt=nc

  5. Sir Luther Von Baconson

    August 13, 2015 at 4:41 pm

  6. Well……anybody got any Hotakes on the Rather interview?
    I managed to watch the whole 60 min on AXS.
    Oh boy…….

  7. Aceman opens up about his dual families and how his birth Mom squeaked out 13 kids (“she was prolific”) and outa the litter he was the only one she gave away.
    Then he talks about his real dad just passing away and the tone gets real serious.
    When he finally finishes talking about all the the puzzle pieces, he kinda just sits back with that bewildered Twain look we all know so well, and waits for Rathers response.

    Danny looks at him fatherly, leans in and goes – ” I find this amazeballs”

    Bobby looks at him and nods – “YEP STRAIGHT UP READERS DIGEST”

    • That’s a fair synopsis.

      And his voice was a bit strange. He’s always been…slow..,communicating, but he was borderline post-stroke speed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*