Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Put A Brett Ratner On It

[PDF] Brett Ratner and Mariah
Hey, Brett Ratner.

“Yo. Having a killer day, bro. Killin’ it.”

Yeah. You definitely don’t look like the guy with the coke.

“What?”

Nothing. So, what’s your favorite Dead song?

“Oh, I like ’em all, man.”

Uh-huh.

“The thing about the Dead’s songs is each one of them is so different, but there’s that them, y’know, that theme of America and style and passion and achievement–”

Achievement?

“–that really always resonated with me. And the authenticity! I could talk all day about the authenticity.”

I have no doubt that you could. Brett?

“Bro?”

Name one Dead song.

“Y’know, you’re insulting me a little here.”

One song.

Drivin’, drivin’ in my caaaaar. Drivin’, gonna go so faaaaar.”

Let’s not talk about this anymore.

“Talk about what? You wanna bump?”

Do I have to talk to you afterwards?

“Yes.”

Pass.

“More for Mariah.”

11 Comments

  1. Why is it that the first piece of information that I lean about Bratner here from googling on my phone is his height?

    In what world do I think “You know, Bratner makes some pretty mediocre movies. Better find out how tall he is.”?

    5’8″, by the way.

  2. Brett Ratner’s participation foreshadows Katy Perry’s participation. If he “directs,”, it is very likely she will appear in the broadcast, at least dancing or something. I’m not snarking, I don’t actually do that, not even here, I leave that to professionals.

  3. TheCentralShaft

    October 6, 2015 at 12:28 am

    Is it just me, or does MC here resemble Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six?

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