Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Quality Time“You wired it right, Dad?”

“Dammit, Professional: I’ve been doing pyro for forty years. I know what I’m doing.”

“Can you count to ten on your fingers?”

“You know that was a fishing accident.”

“What were you fishing with, Dad?”

“Dynamite is just efficient. It just is, man.”

“Can we get back to it?”

“Office is wired with C4.”

“What about civilians? We can’t have any collateral damage here.”

“What’d I teach you about triggers?”

“Two step.”

“Right: the boom only booms if it smells Drakkar Noir and someone takes a selfie.”

“Damn, that’s good.”

“What do you think all these stories about the old days are all about? Killing the least amount of people is always gonna take brains. Computers and HD whatnot are fine, but a good welder? Guy with a stack of hundreds to give out to fire marshals? Always gonna be a place for that.”

“Hey! Precarious Lee! The legendary! My man!”

“Ah, hey, Benj.”

“Hey, man, we haven’t met: I’m Benj–”

“We’ve met six times.”

“Okay, then. Gotta make some calls. Nice running into you boys. Catch you on the flippy-floppy.”



“How long you think–”


“Almost instantly.”

“Yeah. We should not be here.”

“Not at all, no. We should run.”

“You go that way. Love you, Dad.”

“I enjoy our openness, but we need to concentrate on fleeing right now, son.”

“Good advice as always, Dad.”


  1. no, wait. THIS is the most beautiful thing I’ve read all month.

  2. The Assassination of Benjy Eisen by the Coward Precarious Lee

    Aside from there not being any Jews in the old West, that works pretty well.

  3. Morning Douche

    July 11, 2015 at 3:24 pm

    Wait- Is that on the bathroom door at the Blue Oyster Bar?

  4. they spelled ‘orifice’ wrong.

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