Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Questions For The Seller Of This Couch, Supposedly Belonging To Bob Weir

  • What the fuck? (That’s the main question, I suppose; all subsequent questions are truly just sub-iterations of “What the fuck?”)
  • Did you forget a word, or did the couch own Bobby?
  • Is the couch sentient?
  • And a slave-owner?
  • Are you trying to sell a sentient, slave-owning couch on Ebay?
  • Is this really how we’re using the internet?
  • Assuming that you forgot the word”by,” is this really Bobby’s couch?
  • Is there a provenance?
  • You think I haven’t seen the ol’ “Rock Star used to own this couch” scam before?
  • Think you’re dealing with fucking children here, buddy?
  • If it is Bobby’s couch, was this the couch that Bobby’s wife, Natasha Monster, gave birth to their children on? (That ridiculous behemoth of a sofa actually is large enough to give birth on. You could even have twins.)
  • Is there a possibility that some of Bobby’s change is still in the cushions?
  • Has it been cleaned?
  • Thoroughly?
  • Waved a black light over the sucker?
  • How much of Bobby’s DNA would you estimate is trapped within the fibers of this couch?
  • Could we clone Bobby?
  • Would Clone Bobby have a beard?
  • Has this couch always been in this room?
  • Did you really make this decorating choice?
  • Was the choice between selling the couch or selling all the other furniture in the room?
  • If it’s always been like this, why are you selling it now?
  • Are you getting married and your wife is making you sell it? (This is the only conclusion I can come to.)

And finally:

  • Excellent condition?
  • Excellent condition?
  • Really?
  • Reeeeeeally?
  • Excellent?


  1. Luther Von Baconson

    March 19, 2017 at 12:02 am

    are you hopped about Superior Donuts?

  2. Price dropped to $65!

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      March 19, 2017 at 3:08 am

      We should crowdfund it and repatriate the couch back to Bobby.

      “I thought I got rid of this thing.”
      “Yeah, we bought it back for you.”
      “I didn’t want it. That’s why I gave it away.”
      “Too bad, Bob.”

  3. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    March 19, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    Yeah, Bobby threw it out, and now this guy is selling it? Ha!

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