• If you don’t start the trailer with ominous piano plinking, do the Hollywood Cops come to your mansion and beat your fancily-named children?
  • Is the black lady the captain?
  • Or Michelle Yeoh?
  • Or the white guy?
  • Do they know that white guy is a villain?
  • Do all the ships need to explode quite so often?
  • Who watched 50 years of Star Trek and took the lesson from it: “constant yelling?”
  • Really?
  • The “Bishop in the drainpipe” shot?
  • So…Michelle Yeoh’s not going to kick anyone?
  • Why the fuck would you hire Michelle Yeoh and not have her kick people?
  • Do you know how good Michelle Yeoh is at kicking people?
  • Didn’t that ship already blow up?
  • Why do the Klingons look like Apocalypse from that terrible X-Men movie?
  • Rainn Wilson?
  • Rainn fucking Wilson?
  • What’s wrong with you, Star Trek?