Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Racism: An FAQ

What is racism?

The worst breakfast cereal in the world.

Stop that.

Racism is the belief in abstractions and the general rather than facts and the individual. It’s a system based on a lot of underlying assumptions that aren’t true.

Such as?

That there’s such a thing as a “race.”

You’re saying all humans are alike?

Of course not. Let’s start at the beginning. Homo Sapiens originated in Africa, correct?

Present-day Kenya.

Right. We hadn’t figured out how to make clothes yet, so we had to have evolved someplace warm. We start in Kenya and then the first wave of emigration goes north to Europe.

They became the Neanderthals.

Also right. Then 100,000 years later, a second wave of migration went out from Africa. These folks–genetically identical to us, able to procreate with a modern-day human–went into Europe and either ate the Neanderthals or fucked them to death. This second wave spread all over the globe: to Asia, India, the Pacific, South America, and across the Bering land bridge into North America.

A succinct telling of a long story.

And then when everyone got to where they were getting to, they just kinda stayed there for several dozen thousand years. This led to breeding groups, also known as ethnicities.

Ethnicity is different from race?

Yes, ethnic groups actually exist. The human beings that evolved in Australia are genetically different from the ones that evolved in North Africa.

How different?

Little tiny bit. They look slightly dissimilar and may exhibit conflicting responses to lactose. Otherwise? Mostly the same size, mostly the same shape, able to procreate with ease.

With ease?

If there’s one thing humans are good at, it’s making babies with strangers.


Compare people to dogs: say, a Pomeranian and an Irish Wolfhound. We’ve got a hell of a lot less genetic diversity, and remember that we’re just talking about the measurable stuff here. Racism is based in the nebulous.

What do you mean?

The racist believes not just that there are races of human, but also that each race has an unalterable capacity for such nebulous concepts as “intelligence” and “civilization” and “propensity for violence,” and therefore the best race should be in charge.

Which race is that?




White people are not the only racists.

Oh, no. Asians are racist as shit.

So why are we only talking about white people?

I see no point in talking about anything other than America.

You make an excellent point.

I know. God bless us.

And the Allfather.

Strong is he.

So strong. But: can’t black people be racist?

They can be bigoted.

What’s the difference?

Bigoted is the finger you get from another driver, racist is the cops pulling you over. Racism is the philosophy the majority employs to rationalize its actions towards the minority. “They are lesser, you see” racism says, “so we had to treat them that way for their own good.”

That was the past, though.


The past wasn’t racist?

Oh, God, no. The past was the most racist place on Earth.

I’m talking about the present.

The present is definitely, demonstrably, demarcably less racist than the past.

So, we’re past all that?

Under no circumstances. In fact, racism is making a big comeback. Racism is the new black.

I’m pretty sure that’s offensive.

Me, too. But, yeah: this is not your father’s racism. For example, there are now what’s called “racial realists.”

What’s that mean?

Racist assholes.


And there’s “Identitarians.”

Ooh. What’s that?

Racist assholes. Also, there’s Nationalists and the Alt-Right and Defenders of Western Civilization and Neoreactionaries.

What are those?

Racist assholes. They’re all just racist assholes, but they like to squabble with each other, so they form their little groups and misinterpret evolutionary psychology at one another.

But the general public isn’t racist any more. We had a black president!

And look who followed him.

Well, I’m going to need some sources if you’re going to call Donald Trump a racist.

He hasn’t run up and down Broadway screaming “nigger,” if that’s what you’re asking for.

Then how do you know he’s a racist?

He hired Jeff Sessions.

I’ll give you that. So: what is racism?

The last refuge of the chinless.

I’ll give you that, too.

1 Comment

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    March 28, 2017 at 12:29 pm

    strong chin there

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