Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Ramble On Rose By Any Other Name

I don’t know if you heard, but there will be some shows this summer. Around the Fourth, to be specific, and in Chicago, to be geographic. Notice I didn’t say “Dead show” because they’re not, either. Everyone said they’d never perform again as the Grateful Dead and they’ve honored that, so far. The poster for the shows doesn’t call them the Dead: it says that a bunch of dudes will be “celebrating 50 years of the Dead.”

(Some might call that a small and legalistic distinction, but it doesn;t make it not important. The difference between your wife and her identical twin is small (mole, Iron Maiden tattoo) but rather vital. Whether the money was deposited into the company’s account or yours is, indeed, a legalistic distinction; one people take seriously.)

As far as I can tell, the so-called “Sore Four” and the ringers are just, kinda, appearing. No name. This is not for trying, though: a bunch of cool names and bitchin’ logos were tried out before they decided to go with “worst law firm in town.”

“Bad news, Mr. Wilkins: we lost. It seems that Bobby filed your lawsuit at the dry cleaners.”

TotD presents Rejected Names for Farewell Shows:

  • Dateful Gred
  • The Fucktones
  • Big Wilma and the Booty Bandits
  • The Still Walking Dead
  • Mt. Tamalpais Chiefs (Bobby argued that he “already had the shirts.” Mickey was intrigued by the idea of free t-shirts, but the idea was abandoned.)
  • Mickey and the Hart-Healthy Diets
  • The Face of Gus Grissom (No one understood what the fuck this one meant, but Bobby was proud of it.)
  • “Hows about we do ourselves up a symbol? Like that little Prince fruit? Except our symbol is a real tight close-up of my itchy asshole.” (Three guesses whose suggestion that was.)
  • The Bill Cosbys (“It’s topical,” said Bobby, who had really prepared for this meeting.)
  • The Good Hitlers
  • Little Bunny Foo Foo (Phil was actually Skyping with his grandkid, but everyone overheard him and kinda liked the name. It survived remarkably far into the decision-making process.)
  • Cat
  • Dog
  • Table (They were running out of steam at this point.)
  • The Grateful Dead Experience brought to you by the exciting and powerful Surface Pro 3 (This was Jill’s idea. The voting was tabled for another day; Bobby was woken up; the meeting was adjourned.)


  1. Anchovy Rancher

    January 29, 2015 at 7:36 am

    The Dead Keyboardeddy’s? Can Bruce play: “Holiday in Chicagoland?” Would he?

    Or: They could sell out Mabuhay Gardens in North Beach for, like: EVER. Closer to where everybody in the band lives, too.

    Eat your hearts out, Carol Doda and Mitchell Brothers.

  2. There seems to be a typo in the list. Shouldn’t that be Dateful Gread?

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