Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Reasons To Put Your Giraffe In A Gas Mask

  • Always be able to pick him out in a crowd of giraffes.
  • Animals native to the Savannah are not signatories to the Geneva Conventions, and chemical warfare breaks out occasionally.
  • A giraffe in a gas mask is a metaphor for something; you can just point to it and say, “2016, am I right?” and everyone will agree.
  • Better safe than sorry.
  • If you are in a band and need a bitchin’ album cover, well: there you go.
  • Because any honest reading of the Second Amendment says that you can.
  • It’s haute couture, darling; you wouldn’t understand.
  • I don’t know if you’ve been to an Army/Navy store lately, but gas masks are so cheap that you can’t afford not to put one on your giraffe.
  • Your sports team sucks, and you want to show your displeasure more strenuously than the old “grocery sack on the head” routine.
  • Toys ‘R’ Us knows what it did.


  1. Luther Von Baconson

    November 23, 2016 at 7:08 pm

    clerk 1: “Marlene, someone’s strapped a pornosexual mask on one of the Gerome the Giraffes in Aisle 2. Better call the Assistant Manager.”

    Marlene: “S’OK, I read on line that DT is gonna deport all the Face Eaters to a small farm in Southern Ontario.”

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