Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Reasons You Shouldn't Own Products Made From Human Skin (An Incomplete List)

  • Opposed to the usual skins a tanner would use–cows, sheep–a human’s skin is rather thin and flimsy.
  • People always get the wrong idea when you tell them.
  • Depending on the skin, it might make you racist.
  • Probably illegal.
  • Can’t get red wine out of it no matter how hard you scrub.
  • Vultures.
  • Will only get you laid with people you shouldn’t have sex with. Or share utensils with. Or know casually.
  • With your hips?
  • It would give new meaning to the red-carpet question, “Who are you wearing?” That’s actually a ‘pro,’ I think.
  • Also in the ‘pro’ column: you would objectively be a badass. There’s a lot of bad motherfuckers, but a bad motherfucker wearing another motherfucker as a coat? Even Billy calls that guy “sir.”
  • Back to the negatives. You would be damned. God–who did nothing through the Holocaust–would get off his omnipotent ass just to throw mountains at you. He would give His angriest angels a Ray Lewis-style pep talk and send them to beat you to death with their wings.
  • Depreciation.

1 Comment

  1. “Even Billy calls that guy “sir.””

    Yep. But then he punches him right in someone else’s dick.

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