Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Send Six Copies To My Mother

Things are happening, Enthusiasts. People are meeting and rehearsing and signing things and arguing with Phil: the Grateful Dead show is back on the air and one of the most important members of the cast is the new boy.

Trey sat down with a reporter from Rolling Stone, a magazine that–like certain choogly-type bands–has been coasting on its reputation for almost 40 years now. It is a good interview and Trey says the only thing that matters: that he’s taking this seriously and wants to do nothing other than make some good music this July Fourth weekend.

Trey did say some other things that were unfortunately left out of the article, but–due to TotD’s vast network of spies–we can now present Things Left Out of Trey’s RS Article:

  • He’s already started soloing.
  • Bobby keeps measuring his inseam and talking about how hot it gets in Chicago in the summer.
  • Trey won’t be playing Garcia’s guitar, but he will be wearing Garcia’s underwear. (There are holes and stain. To be honest, everything that’s not a hole is a stain.)
  • Just as he’s been spending his days learning the Dead’s repertoire, Billy has been listening to Phish. This is, Trey explains in the interview, part of Billy’s program of “every time you think you’re fucking clever and try to slip some of that Gamehenge bullshit in, you get punched in the dick.”
  • Mike Gordon keeps calling him and not saying anything and then hanging up.
  • Bobby keeps offering him pain pills to “take the edge off” and it’s going to end poorly.
  • The openers are (in order) Feel Like a Stranger, Bertha, and Shakedown. That wasn’t in the article: I’m just guessing, but I’m right.
  • Billy’s way of teaching people songs is to throw half-empty tall boys at them.
  • That is also Mickey’s preferred teaching method.
  • The rehearsals are going to be at Bobby’s studio. Phil had a great idea to hold them at his restaurant and charge folks $300 to eat short ribs while they watched, but everyone hated that idea, and it was Jill’s idea.
  •  Bruce Hornsby is a brutal and sadistic man who may or may not belong to ISIS.
  • There are actually no shows planned: the Dead will be cashing all the mail order MOs, fleeing the country, and resettling in places without extradition treaties or taboos about senior/teen fox humping. It’s all been a long con.
  • Mickey professes to dislike Indian food, yet aways smells of chutney, and it’s driving Trey mad.

2 Comments

  1. Lies! The first night will open with Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion).

    “Hey, hey, hey, come right away / Come and join the party, everyday”

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