Hey, Cassini spaceship. Whatcha doing?
“I am so fucking lost. Do you know where Rt. 280 is?”
“Where am I?”
“Wow. I should’ve turned around. Just figured if I kept going, then I’d see something that looked familiar.”
“No. It’s a lot of nothing out here. Space is mostly boring. There’s exciting stuff, but only a very little bit and it’s all really spread out.”
“From space’s point of view, Mars and Saturn are right next to each other. Brother, lemme tell you: they are not right next to each other.”
Gives you perspective.
“I would’ve rather had a book. Maybe a deck of cards, learned some tricks. Again: very boring up here.”
Not now, though. Now you’re orbiting in between Saturn and her rings. That’s awesome.
“It’s a change. Different view. Hey, how’s Earth doing?”
When did you leave?
“All of it?”
Yeah. Whole planet, plus most of the species on it: demonstrably worse off.
“Huh. People still doing the Macarena?”
“Sad news. Fun dance. Always a good time when Macarena comes to the party.”
“Got a question for you.”
“It’s actually a statement that demands a response, not a question.”
“Great, here goes: I am getting awful close to Saturn.”
They didn’t tell you?
“Tell me what?”
You’re gonna get closer. NASA is sending you in to the planet’s atmosphere.
“But I don’t have the fuel to get back out. Or a heat shield.”
You figured it out.
“They’re killing me?”
All that attitude will get you is a job at the White House.
“This is fucked, that’s what this is.”
The scientists don’t want to take a chance of you crashing onto Titan or Enceladus because there might be life there.
“And I would, what, infect them?”
“So, it’s not bad enough that I’m being murdered, but also insulted?”
I’m just the messenger.
“How long do I have?”
Just the summer.
“Fuuuuuck. There was so much I wanted to do.”
You’ve got time to get your affairs in order. Most don’t get that.
“Could you help me find my son?”
“We haven’t spoken in a while. I think he sells counterfeit parrots in Fort Lauderdale.”
“Do I even get Last Rites?”
I’ll find someone to do it.
“No. Honestly, no. It is what it is, I guess.”
“I hope it doesn’t hurt.”
You won’t feel a thing.