Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To


phil shirtless

Phil nearly quivered at the idea of all those eyes crawling all over him, the weight of the gaze hammered to him. He could hear the stone-cold teen foxes squeal and call for him.

“We want Phil,” they yelled twenty or so years after this picture was taken, but Phil heard the echoes through time itself. he had always been in communication with the Chronophages and he knew the paths that lay in front of him. The future belonged to Phil and he had mastered it like a llama has mastered mountains; or a knight, chivalry; or a llama and a knight, extraneous letters.

Phil had dispatched Bear to the far edges of the crowd. “See if my nipples read from the cheap seats,” was Bear’s task; he reported back that Phil’s nipples were, in fact, almost invisible no matter where one sat. Bear had a plan that he thought could be implemented for no more than $200,000, but Phil just had Rosie McGee slap some of her rouge on ’em and things were good.

Though there is no recording of this show, numerous credible eyewitnesses recall that halfway through Viola Lee Blues, Phil–apparently drunk on shirtlessness–took the mic and screamed “GAZE UPON PHIL’S NIPS, YE MIGHTY AND DESPAIR,” but the crowd assumed it was part of the show and were all “Yay!”


  1. Rosie’s rouge. Yep, that ought to do it.

  2. Denver City Park 1967

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