Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Sin Like Flynn

“General Flynn, come on in. Have a seat.”

“Thank you.”

“My name is Jenkins, and I’m with the Senate counsel’s office.”

“Is that a thing?”

“For the purposes of this dialogue, yes. Now, General, you wish to testify in front of the Senate in exchange for immunity?”

“And a new identity.”

“Are you talking about the Witness Protection Program?”

“Yes. I’d like to be Shaquille O’Neal.”

“That’s not how that works.”

“Fine, I’ll be Kobe. I just want to be really rich and black.”

“Leaving aside your race-based power fantasies, sir, why should the Senate offer you immunity?”

“I’ve been a baaaaaaad boy.”

“You’re going to need to be far more specific.”

“I have blood on my hands, Jenkins. Well, not blood. More like piss and vodka. Still: very wet hands.”

“Let’s start from the beginning.”

“I was a rambunctious lad.”

“Not that far back.”

“I entered your office.”

“You overshot. Let’s concentrate on the events in between your childhood and this moment.”

“I need to know that I have immunity first. Plus you really need to protect me.”

“Protect you, General? From whom?”

“My life is in danger!”

“From whom, sir?”

“The Trump Administration!”

“HAHAHAHAHA!”

“HAHAHAHAHA!”

“Right?”

“Oh, I love to laugh. Seriously, General, who’s threatening you?”

“Putin.”

“Oh, shit. You’re gonna die.”

“I know!”

“Maybe we should do this over the phone.”

“I’m already here.”

“Sure. Let’s make it quick, though. What do you have?’

“Recordings. Receipts. Plane tickets. Bank statements. I was the courier between Russia and the Trump campaign. I know everything.”

“So? Pretty soon, we’re going to know everything. You’re only interesting to us if you can give us someone bigger than you.”

“Taller?”

“Not physically bigger, General. Larger in scope and importance.”

“How about the President of the United States?”

“Now we’re talking. Yes?”

“President Obama wiretapped Trump Tower.”

“I think we’re done.”

“I can give you Manafort.”

“Dude, we got Manafort.”

“I can give you Jared Kushner.”

“We in the counsel’s office are certain that Mr. Kushner will not only make a deal the very second we threaten him, but also cry like a little girl when he does. so. Give me something I can take back to my bosses, General.”

“I can give you the Vice-President.”

“Vice-President Pence colluded with the Russians?’

“Yeah, sure, why not?”

“General.”

“Immunity!”

“You can’t call ‘immunity,’ sir.”

“Immunity!”

“No. It’s not like shotgun. General, we’re going to think about it.”

“Jenkins, they’re gonna kill me.”

“That’s generally what happens to traitors, General.”

2 Comments

  1. Art of the Squeal.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    March 31, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    where are the anti-vaxxers on this?

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