Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Sixteen Reasons Why Trixie Is Your New Queen


  • She always looks juuuust a little disgusted by Deadheads, and good for her.
  • Due to her superhuman lung capacity, Trixie has entertained parties for years by blowing up a hot-water bottle until it explodes.
  • Taller than I thought.
  • Although that guy does have a short-guy vibe to him.
  • If we had a person with a known height standing a known distance from the camera in the shot, then we would have our answer.
  • That’s kinda how we figure out how far away stars are, actually.
  • I mean, let’s assume the guy isn’t freakishly small: let’s peg him at normal short-guy height, like 5’5″.
  • That would make Trixie an easy 5’9″.
  • I’m sorry, I may have swooned a little.
  • Someone fetch TotD a shandy and someone to loosen my corset.
  • She knew Tupac and will tell you stories about him; if you get her drunk, she will tell you where Tupac is because Tupac is still alive.
  • Has never murdered anyone who made a “Touch of Grey” joke about her hair, even though she wants to every single time.
  • No joke: this woman’s complete and seemingly genetic lack of ability to fake a smile is beautiful.
  • Trixie gets the dank.
  • Probably also a deep discount.
  • Eyebrows on fleek.
  • Both Garcia and Mountain Girl also had eyebrows of a high fleek quotient, but they didn’t have the concept of fleek back then.
  • Also, if you had told Garcia that his eyebrows were on fleek, Parish would have punched you.
  • Just on general principle.
  • Does Parish serve Trixie now?
  • I am assuming ownership of Parish passed to Garcia’s estate.
  • Trixie does a lot of public stuff, and people can suck, so I hope she got Parish.
  • Or at least a Parish.
  • Trixie does not have a Benjy.


  1. Was El Compadre busy today?

  2. Sorry….what is fleek? And why didn’t Shapiro call you? Always wondered that…..

  3. By the way, did I tell you about the dream I had where you and Billy hauled me across the country to go to Chicago? You met Trixie and scared her off. Sorry.

  4. I met trixie outside the stadium on Sunday…she was nice in an exasperated “when the fuck will this #dead50 shit be over so I can get back to my life” sort of way

    so there you go

  5. Jer’s right hand would kinda sell itself as a natural “shocker”

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