Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Sky, Marshall


“Reddy Kilowatt to Bradley Cooper. Come in, Bradley Cooper. Over.”

“Reddy Kilowatt here. Come in, Bradley Cooper. Over.”

“Where the hell–”

“Phil, I don’t want to be Bradley Cooper. It’s a dumb code name.”

“It’s my restaurant, they’re my bocce courts people are pooping on, so I get to pick the code names.”

“What does it even mean?”

“He was in that sniper movie. He sniped. Good sniping.”

“Phil, I’m not sniping anyone.”

“You don’t have to. Just spot.”

“Phil, did you hire a sniper?”


“Let me rephrase that. Is there a busboy with a rifle in one of these trees?”


“Dammit, Phil.”

“It’s special bocce sand! I won’t have it pooped in! This is a classy establishment!”

“I’m calling Jill.”

“Don’t bother. She washed her hands of this long ago.”

“Smart lady.”

“She’s a sharp one.”


“Phil, this is Officer Mahoney. Come in, Phil.”

“Use your code name.”


“Use my code name.”


“Okay, that’s settled. What’s the sitrep?”

“Bocce courts are poop-free. Like, a million other crimes are taking place right in front of me, but no one’s engaged in public defecation.”

“Those aren’t public courts, Mahoney. They belong to me.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Are you trying to entrap me, Pig?”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“But you are! You’re a narc of a pig of a pig of a narc! But it’s okay: we are joined in battle today. Just like in the classic M, when the cops and criminals teamed up to face a horror beyond all of them! Except instead of children get murdered, it’s my bocce courts getting pooped on. Same principle, though.”

“Yeah. Mr. Lesh, I’m gonna switch off my walkie-talkie.”

“Over and out.”


  1. “He was in that sniper movie. He sniped. Good sniping.”

    Phil’s starting to sound like Trump. Be very afraid.

    • NoThoughtsOnDead

      April 20, 2016 at 1:04 am

      Damn – you could buy a quality guitar for as much as they’re charging for that maxi-skirt with dancing bears on it!

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