A quick recap of the events of the evening for those who get their news exclusively from TotD. (By the way: you should not do that.)
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III from Selma, Alabama, is the Attorney General of the United States of America, which is an important job. The AG of New York City only shows up at the end of episodes to make wry observations, but the AG of the U.S. puts in a full day. He is also a frothing racist and sharp as a damp pillow, but these are not the new revelations; both of those things have been known for a very long time to the general public.
Fun fact: Jeff Sessions was nominated by Reagan in ’86 to be a District Court judge, which requires Senate confirmation. He was only the second nominee not to be confirmed in 48 years, according to Wikipedia. Less fun fact: a decade or so later, now-Senator Sessions joined the very Judiciary Committee that turned him down. The best and the brightest, Enthusiasts.
Jeff’s recent confirmation hearings were no less contentious. You may remember the part where a turtlemonster told Elizabeth Warren to shut her bitch mouth before he shut it for her. There was also a letter introduced into the record by Coretta Scott King, who is one of very few people left alive that know what Martin Luther King’s dong looked like. None of it mattered: 52-47 in favor.
But a hero will rise.
We were so distracted, Enthusiasts, by the shiny racism that we did not notice the junior Senator from Minnesota breaking his block and veering around the line with his eyes locked dead on the ratfaced little mongrel playing quarterback.
This was Al Franken’s question to Jeff, who was under oath.
And–as you may have figured out from the fact that we’re discussing it–this was not the truth. It has been revealed today that Jeff Sessions did indeed communicate with the Russians, specifically the Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak. Twice, actually. Which makes the answer he gave perjury.
This is Al Franken:
The story doesn’t stop there, though: just as Jeff met with his Commie buddy twice, he also perjured himself twice. The second time was in an answer to written questions sent to him by the senior Senator from Vermont.
Pat Leahy has been a United States Senator for 41 years. He’s a bit of a ham; he likes to be in movies, and he even had a line in The Dark Knight Rises. He also likes music.
This is something he wrote for Roll Call:
Far be it from me to speculate on an underground network of Deadheads in the Intelligence Community, but I now believe that there is an underground network of Deadheads in the Intelligence Community. Was Jeff Sessions set up like a bowling pin? Did Franken have an ace of spades behind his ear? Did Leahy something something Dead lyric?
Who knows? For now, though, the Grateful Dead will keep on trying to save the world, and damn the torpedoes.