Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Southbound

bobby rando glasses

“Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?”

That’s my line.

“Right, right.”

None of you are following the damn rules any more.

“There are rules?”

Must be. So, whatcha doing?

“Bobby’s Picture Pose #2.”

But you’re getting the watch in there.

“Josh taught me that.”

I hope Apple gave you that thing for free, because you’ve been plugging the hell out of it.

“It tracks your heart rate.”

Is that something you want?

“Not particularly. Makes calls, though.”

So does your phone.

“Sure, but your phone doesn’t tell you the time.”

It totally does, Bobby.

“Yeah? Huh. Okay, but it’s in your pocket. What kind of watch goes in your pocket?”

Pocket watch.

“Pocket watch has a fob.”

You just arguing for the sake of arguing?

“Last tour ended two weeks ago. Next tour doesn’t start for two weeks. This is hell.”

Oh.

“I’m the farthest away from a tour that I can get. This is my apogee.”

Sure.

“Bobogee.”

No.

“Hey, it’s what I do.”

Go down to Sweetwater and play. Go to Phil’s place and sit in. Chimenti’s got some gigs, I think. Go bother him.

“Might head down to LA.”

Skank?

“What?”

Nothing.

“Take some meetings about the Amazon show, the book. Josh is down there, I think. Gotta check on the documentary.”

The long-awaited Grateful Dead documentary produced by Martin Scorsese and directed by Amir Bar-Lev?

“That’s the one.”

You might have a rough time of that.

“Yeah, uh-huh. Amir’s gone nuts, I heard.”

What did you hear?

“Full Kurtz. Just, you know: up the river, man. Flew in a whole bunch of Montagnards.”

Really?

“Well, not real ones. Sherpa. Josh’s cousins, mostly.”

Right. Because Josh Meyers is a Sherpa, and that’s a fact that should be spread around.

“Yup.”

So, Amir Bar Lev has holed up in an editing suite somewhere in Hollywood with a team of murderous Sherpa protecting him?

“Sure, why not?”

WATCH PHONE NOISE

WATCH PHONE NOISE

“Is that your watch or mine?”

Pretty sure it’s yours.

“Ah. Hold on.”

“Weir here.”

“Please hold for the President.”

“Okay.”

“Bobby, this is President Katy Perry.”

“It’s an honor.”

“You need to speak to John.”

“Who?”

“Josh.”

“Ah. What about?”

“He’s in danger, Bob.”

“No, he’s in Los Angeles.”

“Neither I nor Tommy Shaw have time for your shenanigans, Bob.”

Katy Hudson AKA Katy Perry 2002 Recording Studio - Photo Session

“From Styx?”

“Yes.”

“That ain’t him.”

“Can you give me a second, Bob?”

“Sure.”

THWARTED ASSASSINATION NOISE

THWARTED ASSASSINATION NOISE

“It was actually an assassin, Bob.”

“Politics is dirty business.”

“Do you know what this means, Bob? If you save a pop star’s life, she owes you Life Debt.”

“Pretty sure that’s Canadians.”

“Let’s put a pin in it and move on. You need to warn John or Josh or whatever you think his name is. The tall, douchey one.”

“I was on my way, actually.”

“Hurry, Bob! He is in danger!”

“Y’know, as the President, you probably could marshal up something more reliable than a Grateful Dead.”

“I have bigger problems than ex-boyfriends. The Russians are hacking us constantly, Bob.”

“Oh, no.”

“They’ve got nudes, Bob.”

“Me or you?”

“Me.”

“Oh, that’s terrible.”

“I’ll ignore that. Go rescue John from Kim Jong-Un.”

“It’s an honor to serve my country.”

4 Comments

  1. The woman with Bob made the leather thingie on his wrist.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    August 15, 2016 at 10:40 am

    just had to

  3. Bobby playing the role of Uncle Jesse?

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