Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Springsteen On Broadway

ASBURY PARK BOARDWALK, 1964 – DAY

The CURTAIN RISES on an abstract set. At stage left is MADAME MARIE’S. In the center is a LOWER-MIDDLE CLASS HOME. At stage right is a STREET SIGN pointing offstage that reads THUNDER ROAD. Where the sun should be is a GIANT EXXON SIGN THAT BRINGS THIS FAIR CITY LIGHT.

From the home, YOUNG BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (played by ONE OF THE KIDS FROM STRANGER THINGS) enters. He is wearing RED sneakers, BLUE jeans, and a WHITE tee-shirt

BRUCE
What was I born for?
Why should I bother?
With these Jersey struggles,
And my Jersey father?

Was I born to lose?
Or work at the mill?
Should I join the army
Like my Uncle Bill?

Show me my purpose, Lord!
The rules of the game!
And tell me why I have
So Jewish a name!

A KID with a stickball bat runs up to BRUCE.

KID
Hey, Bruce, join the team;
It helps to get girls, see.

BRUCE
Stickball’s not a thing
That we do here in Jersey.

A MILLENNIAL staring at her phone enters.

MILLENNIAL
Come make memes with me, Bruce
We’ll be viral hits!

BRUCE
It’s 1964.
Who’s writing this shit?

GORT the robot enters.

GORT
Klaatu barada nikto.

BRUCE
Could someone explain what is happening here?
We started off well, but I truly do fear
That the song has gone off–

GORT
KLAATU BARADA NIKTO, YOU DENIM-WEARING MOTHERFUCKER.

GORT chokes BRUCE to death.

[Blackout.]

3 Comments

  1. I was wondering how long it would be before Klaatu made an appearance.

    Gort was the robot.

    According to Edmund North, the scriptwriter, “Klaatu barada nikto” means, “There is hope for Earth, if the scientists can be reached.” I think there was some leg pulling going on there. Clearly it is an instruction relating to Klaatu: recover and reanimate.

  2. I’d read a lot more of Springsteen: The Musical. Just sayin

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