Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Squirrel!

bobby whaa?

This was Bobby’s ponderin’ face, and it meant trouble. There were going to be follow-up questions and Bobby might need Ramrod to fetch the white-board and at least six different-colored markers. Now, after the show: fine. In fact, people would save up topics for Bobby to go ponderin’ over after the show.

Sometimes, though, Bobby got to ponderin’ before the show and the evening was as good as ruined. Bobby only knew 65% of the lyrics the Truckin’ when he was concentrating, so when he was making the expression in the photo?

Because they were professionals, the Dead banned the following topics from being mentioned anywhere near Bobby anywhere near showtime:

  • The infield-fly rule.
  • Icing.
  • Were the Romans nothing more than re-branded Etruscans?
  • GIF with a hard “G” or soft?
  • Water: sentient, semi-sentient, or a duck’s best friend?
  • How would you have played Han Solo, Bobby?
  • Why are we so casual and imprecise with language? For example: why do we say “I want to stick it in your butt” or “I want to stick it up your butt” when both of these activities are physiologically implausible? We should say ” I want to stick it within your butt.” What say you, Bob-o?
  • The World Cup from a fourth-wave sex-positive proto-cis-queer-feminist (of size) perspective.
  • Who’d win in a fight: Freddy vs. Jason; Hulk vs. Superman; Hunter vs. John Perry Barlow; Mickey vs. Billy; the Pyramids vs. the Pentagon (the buildings); pyramids vs. pentagon (the geometric entities); Tastes great vs. less filling; lion vs. grizzly bear (fight); lion vs. grizzly bear (spelling bee–the judge was eaten almost immediately); your mom vs. my balls and/or dong.
  • Bobby, these shirts are $17.99 originally and are on sale at 20% off. If the sales tax is 7.5% and I only have a $50, how many shirts can I buy?
  • Show your work and stop cheating off Bear

1 Comment

  1. Brought tears to my eyes. Good work.

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