Stëalie

You can very rarely go wrong slamming two great logos together, unless one of them is the Nazis’ logo. (Hitler truly understood the power of Brands.) Speaking of National Socialism, here’s Motörhead’s whatever-it-is in a Stealie.

“Lemmy, what do you want the logo to be?”

“It should be metal.”

“How metal?”

“All. It should be all the metal.”

Which is how you wind up with some sort of pig-dog with fangs, tusks, and jewelry bearing the Iron Cross.

The Dead and Motörhead had virtually nothing in common besides charismatic, hard-living frontmen and talented, psychopathic drummers. They attracted different crowds: the Dead drew longhairs and potheads in tie-dye t-shirts; Motörhead’s crowds were longhairs and pothead in black t-shirts. Also, the Dead–

“STEALER!”

–preferred to…excuse me?

“You STEAL from DECENT PEOPLE. u r a menace. i h8 u.”

Dammit, Swaggie Maggie: stay in the Comment Section.

“NO! I am a STRONG, INDEPENDENT WOMAN and I DON’T NEED NO MAN.”

You live with your parents.

“MEMEZ.”

What?

“You stole my thing! Of the Stealie and your friend that died.”

He wasn’t my friend.

“Lenny Kibblemaster.”

Lemmy Kilmister. Just Lemmy, usually.

“That’s a weird name.”

It was a nickname.

“WAS HIS BAND ANY GOOD? What was their name? Monsterface?”

Motörhead.

“What was the umlaut for?”

They thought it looked cool.

“IT DOES. SO SWAG.”

Please don’t call Motörhead swag.

“WERE THEY ANY GOOD?”

More influential than good, really. They were like the British Ramones: they made the same record twenty times, but they had a great sound. Motörhead sounded like a tornado that was angry at you.

“oooooooh. so scared. did they do DRUGS?”

Yes, but not the right ones.

“Huh?”

Lemmy enjoyed speed. Speed has never been a cool drug, not in rock and roll, and not in the actual world. LSD, cocaine, molly – all these chemicals have had their day in the sun. Hell, heroin was just about the coolest thing you could put in your body for most of rock’s history. But there’s nothing hip about a speed freak.

“Drugs are bad. The sloth on the internet said so.”

I have no idea what you’re talking about half the time.

“That’s because YOU ARE OLD.”

Aw.

“True, fam.”

I know.