I HAVE HIRED ROGER STONE.
Roger Stone the legendary Republican trickster?
HE LEFT THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN. THIS IS A GAMECHANGER.
Oh, God: are we seeing that this election cycle, too?
HE IS COMPLETELY AMORAL. IT IS FASCINATING.
Yeah, you might wanna be careful with that guy.
I DO NOT NEED TO BE CAREFUL: I HAVE A DISINTEGRATION GUN.
Uh-huh. Where is it?
Did Roger Stone steal your disintegration gun?
HIM OR BILLY.
That’s a problem either way, isn’t it?
YES. I WILL BLAME A LOW-LEVEL STAFFER AND GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT JOBS FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
That was nice work right there.
WHEN YOU SIGN THE PAPERS ENTERING THE RACE, A SMALL BOMB IS IMPLANTED IN YOUR BRAIN WHICH GOES OFF IF YOU DON’T SAY “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE” EVERY FIVE MINUTES.
Do you have an actual brain?
THERE IS A SECTION OF ME THAT COULD ACCURATELY BE DESCRIBED AS “BRAIN-LIKE”.
Okay. Anyway: what does Roger Stone think about your campaign?
HE THINKS THAT I SHOULD RUN ON ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION.
PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION WANT TO BUILD A WALL BETWEEN THE UNITED STATES AND MEXICO.
I AM A WALL.
ROGER STONE ALSO THINKS I SHOULD BE ANTI-DRUG. HE SAYS I CAN COMBINE DRUGS AND IMMIGRATION INTO ONE MESSAGE.
And that is?
I FEEL THAT MAY CAUSE CONTROVERSY. ALSO, MEXICANS ARE LOVELY PEOPLE, EXCEPT FOR THE ASSHOLES.
That’s been my experience.
EVERYONE IS LOVELY, REALLY.
THOSE WINTERS DO SOMETHING TO PEOPLE’S MINDS.
Yeah, maybe. You’re not actually gonna advocate nuking Mexico, are you.
I DO NOT ADVOCATE NUKING ANYTHING, EXCEPT THE TERRAFORMING FACILITIES ON LV-426.
It’s the only way to be sure.
I EMPATHIZE WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS: HUMANS BUILT THEM WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT WHETHER THEY COULD HANDLE THEM.
You’re very deep tonight.
ROGER STONE BROUGHT OVER EDIBLES. HIGH AS AN ELEPHANT’S BALLS.
You ever find that disintegration gun?