Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Straight Talk

bobby good posture photo

Hey, Bobby. Nice posture.

“A man’s posture is his gift to the world.”

That’s nice.

“And a man’s dong is his gift to stone-cold foxes.”

I thought the phrase was “stone-cold teen fox.”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. Never. You know, we liked a good time and I had my fair share of assignations, sure, but that teen thing was some sort of rumor or something. 21 and up for the Dead!”


You had me going!

“I could tell: you were buying it!”

Oh, Bobby.

“We have fun.”

Yeah. Seriously, though: that part in the movie where you’re all “She was 15!?!” and you make like you’re outraged and offended.

“Fifteen is a bit young.”

“Fifteen-and-a-half, on the other hand…”


“Nah, you’re right. I hate all this respect and love people have been giving me; I’d much rather be ‘Teen-Bangin’ Bobby.'”

So, let’s just leave it at “sowing wild oats.”

“Why not leave it at that, yeah?”

One other question.

“I’m in the middle of a photo shoot here.”

Quick one. In the movie, you said that you never had a real girlfriend or serious relationship before your wife, right?

“I’d like to pass.”

Just answer the question, Mr. Weir.

“If that’s what’s in the movie, then that’s what’s in the movie.”

Okay. What’s this woman’s last name?

IMG_1620“Which woman?”


“Oh, in the purple dress.”

Yes. Her last name.


Her other last name.


Her other last name.

“Listen, shithead: you saw the movie, obviously?”


“You see those people I was walking with?”

Your family.

“Bingo. If the tall one says she was my first girlfriend, then she’s my first girlfriend. And the two short ones? I’d like them to go a few more years without ever hearing the phrase ‘the Hostility Suite.’ Okay?”

I can see your point, I suppose.

“I’m an old dad, man. Just need some quiet.”



  1. lmao that’s like me running off with that god awful John Mayer douchebag*

    *I should not have said that.

  2. I’m sorry. I never got the Frankie attraction ??
    But I’ve been with a few odd ones myself.

  3. Sir Luther Van Baconson

    May 27, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    oh i get it. she’s Hank’s sister.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.