Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Suggested Gifts For Mickey’s 72nd Birthday

  • Fine doobage.
  • Bottle of fine wine.
  • Case of shitty wine.
  • Exotic pet. (Tapir, lemur, tiger, Bieber.)
  • Erotic pet. (Sexy duck, donkey wearing a lace bra.)
  • Esoteric pet. (A golden retriever that, like, fourteen people on the planet really get, man.)
  • Dead shirt.
  • Dead jersey.
  • Dead button-up.
  • Dead serape.
  • Dead barrel-with-suspenders.
  • Let’s just say that any piece of clothing with a Stealie sewn haphazardly onto it will be warmly received.
  • A full, tailored set of Navy Whites to put on when Bobby plays Lost Sailor.
  • (Actually: Mickey could totally pull this one off Halloween at MSG; he would have plausible deniability. “What do you mean, Bob? It’s just a costume, man. Don’t be paranoid.”)
  • (Obviously, Billy would be giggling directly behind him, which would hurt his argument, but Mickey would stick with his story.)
  • Artisanal crotch powder for trainhorn-related chafing.
  • Tympanis?
  • Tympani?
  • However you pluralize them, if you got Mickey the drums that let you know Elvis was coming on, then Mickey would be happy.
  • Mickey has begun to collect traditional German drums, so he would like a BætenThümpen, a ShmäckenLouder, or a BangenBöömen.
  • Drum made from human skin, as long as the skin was harvested in an ethical manner: like, you gave the hobo a head start before hunting him for the purposes of obtaining a hide.
  • Five minute head start is ethical, right?
  • Mickey enjoys starting drum lines and drum circles wherever he goes, so if you an Abandoned God who exists in multiple trimensions simultaneously, you could let Mickey participate in a drum hypersphere, or a drum Penrose triangle.
  • Bongos that are also a bong.
  • A bong that is also bongos.
  • Replacement horse.
  • Mickey is still giving horses LSD and it’s like Equus with more nudity out at his place lately.


  1. It’s “tympani,” but I thought you were trying to say “tampons.”

  2. A Plethora of Platitudes.

    I believe Walton majored in Artisanal crotch powder while at UCLA.

  3. Mike & Gloria Gonna Be My Name

    September 12, 2015 at 2:11 am

    Wish I hadn’t been such a Johnny Work Latey for that stream- would’ve enjoyed reading some TotP&F set…
    Anyway, in anticipation of tomorrow’s Santana sit-in, here are a couple all-time Santana sit-ins: (2nd night esp- scorcher!)
    ‘Night kids. Happy bday Mickey; You’re all hart!

  4. Maybe Billy will give him his kick drum and cymbals back?

  5. Conditions are ripe tonite, so heres hoping Phil doesnt turn into a fossilized poop nugget at midnite, and Carlos fretwanks a Dark Star so righteous that it leaves everyone bloody and weak.

  6. The Navy whites makes me think a 50th Anniversary “Lost Sailor-The Musical” is in order.

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