“YER BOY IS GETTIN’ ALL UP ON ME, NIX.”

“Stand down, Jenkins.”

“Sorry, sir. I had that water Mr. Presley had requested.”

“THAT WAS A DAMN WEEK AGO, MAN! ME AN’ THE PRES’DENT BEEN TO CHINA AN’ BACK ALREADY!”

“What?”

“Get out, Jenkins.”

“LEAVE TH’ DANG WAWA!”

“Leave the wawa and get out, Jenkins.”

“AH AIN’T NEVER SEEN SUCH POOR CHARLIE HODGIN’! AH DID NOT EVEN REQUEST A SCARF, AN’ YET HE COULD NOT FULFILL HIS APPOINTED TASK.”

“Very hard to get good help. Tough to keep people.”

“THEY GO ON T’ OTHER JOBS?”

“No, they get indicted.”

“MISTER PRES’DENT, YOU NEED SOME O’ THE MEMPHIS MAFIA TO DO ANYTHIN’ AROUND HERE, YOU JUST ASK. IN MAH OPNION, RED WEST WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT SECRETARY OF TH’ TREASURY.”

“How is he qualified for the post?”

“HE HOLDS MAH WALLET.”

“I’ll keep him in mind, Elvis. Dammit, King, we need to stop dicking around. They’ve already sworn the madman in.”

“NIX, ISS WEIRD THAT YOU DON’ UNDERSTAN’ THE RAMIFICATIONS OF HAVIN’ A TIME MACHINE.”

“Right! Right, yes. This is new to Nixon. I understand time as an arrow.”

“NAW, MAN. TIME IS A RIVER, AND WITH THE POWER O’ THE TIME CAPE, WE BECOME LIFEGUARDS WITH X-RAY VISION, AN’ CAN SWIM WHENEVER WE WANT AN’ NEVER GET WET.”

“Elvis, that didn’t even make sense by your standards.”

“MAH HEEBIE-JEEBIES ARE ACTIN’ UP.”

“Oh, no. Should I send for the White House physician?”

“THAT DEPENDS. IS HE A FAN O’ MINE?”

“I believe he is, Elvis.”

“BRING HIM UNTO ME.”

“Yes, yes. Jenkins? Jenkins!”

“AH TOL’ YOU THAT BOY IS USELESS AS A DICK ON A TENNIS RACKET.”

“You’re getting worse, Elvis! Your metaphors have lost all coherency. Jenkins, fetch the doctor.”

“Our doctor, sir? Or the one Elvis brought with him that’s been shooting morphine into the secretaries?”

“Ours, Jenkins.”

“BOTH, JENKINS.”

“Yes, sirs.”

“Elvis, lay down on that couch. The doctor will be here in a moment.”

“AH FEEL WOOZY.”

“Okay, son.”

“THASS A FUN WORD T’ SAY, NIX. ‘WOOZY.’ TRY IT, MAN. MAKES YER MOUTH FEEL LIKE THERE’S A PARTY GOIN’ ON.”

“You’re delirious, Elvis. Lay down. I will be in the next room.”

“WHERE YOU GOIN’?”

“I am still consolidating our power. I believe that the urban initiative I launched yesterday is paying off, but I must speak to some more dignitaries.”

“YOU A MASTER OF REALPOLITIC, NIX.”

“Yes.”

“AH WILL BE HERE GOIN’ THROUGH YOUR DESK LOOKIN’ FOR LOOSE POLICE BADGES.”

“Okay. Be right back.”

“Can your country count on you, Mr. Brown?”

“MY HEEBIE-JEEBIES ACTIN’ UP!”

“Oh, God, another one.”