Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?
“Airing ’em out.”
I see that.
“Dunno if you can tell, but I made these shorts myself.”
Nooooo.
“Oh, yeah. I was, uh, inspired by Karl Lagerfeld. Sure, he’s big time, but he gets behind the sewing machine and does his own stitching.”
You were wearing those when you made them, weren’t you?
“Affirmative.”
Karl Lagerfeld doesn’t do that.
“What about Hedi Slimane?”
You shouldn’t know who these people are. What’s wrong with Brent?
“Sometimes, he’s a demon.”
Okay. Man, your legs are furry.
“Girls dig ’em. I’ve, uh, always said: Next to a guitar, a pair of hairy thighs are the best things for getting dates.”
I don’t think you’ve always said that.
“Something in the vicinity.”
Sure.
CELL PHONE NOISE
I have told all of you to stop using the Time Sheath to bring your cell phones back to the 70’s.
“You have definitely told us that. Gonna take this.”
Okay.
…
“Weir here.”
“Where Hairy Garcia? Kim Jong-Un call Hairy Garcia.”
“This is he. I think.”
“Where is degenerate drug beard?”
“What year is it when you are?”
“Juche 109.”
“Ah. I’m in Juche 68.”
“Good year. Disco so hot that year. What wrong with New Brent?”
“That’s not New Brent, it’s Old Brent. No, wait. That’s Brent Brent. Sometimes, he’s a demon.”
“Classic Brent Brent. So like him.”
“The man is easily anticipated.”
“You get kids I send you? How many survive trip?”
“I have received no children.”
“No. This terrible. Kim Jong-Un is embarrassed. Promise best friend Hairy Garcia wonderful gift, but is no gift. I lose face. Must make it up to you.”
“How about one of those giant hats?”
“I send sick people.”
“I don’t want any of them.”
“No contagious! Just dying! You can do whatever to them! They gonna die, anyway!”
“Hard, hard, hard pass.”
“Maybe you make movie. Use as stuntmen. Can actually set on fire.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“Put in catapult.”
“Y’know, I really hate to be rude, but I’m hanging up.”
DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT
…
“Excuse me.”
Yes, Bobby?
“I don’t put my foot down a lot around here, but I’m gonna have to on this one.”
You don’t wanna talk to Kim Jong-Un anymore?
“The guy’s a bad egg.”
You’re right.
(With thanks to every Enthusiasts favorite (non-Lambert) host of the Grateful Dead Radio Hour, David Gans, for providing the photo from his personal collection. Not the one of Kim Jong-Un; the shot of Bobby and Brent.)
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