Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: baby levon

My First Time Machine

“Baby Levon! What are you doing here? It’s 1991!”

“I got Time Sheath, Gampa!”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake.”

“I bwing Mongol Horde into pwesent, Gampa.”

“No, Baby Levon! Not the Mongols!”

CONQUERING ASIA NOISE

“I okay, Gampa!”

“Good, good.”

“Gampa, I kill Baby Hitler!”

“No, Baby Levon!”

“Yes. I be hero.”

“No! Something worse always happens!”

BABY HITLER KILLING NOISE

“Yay!”

“Oh, no.”

DINOSAURS POPPING INTO EXISTENCE NOISE

“Yay! Dinosaurs!”

“Stop messing around the timestream, Baby Levon!”

“What the fuck is that little motherfucker doing?”

“Who is that? And could you not curse around my grandson, please?”

“Fuck you. I curse in front of everyone.”

“I’m a little busy right now, Miles.”

“Me, too. There’s a fucking ankylosaur in my living room. He’s fucking up my shit. I got expensive shit.”

“Well, there’s not a lot I can do about that.”

“I know, motherfucker. Useless as a fucking donkey in a horse race. I gotta take care of everything.”

“Miles, this is a Time Sheath technology-related situation.”

“I know, motherfucker. Why you think I’m wearing my Time Trenchcoat?”

“Y’know, you’ve really eased yourself right into this universe.”

“I been in groups before.”

Saw My Baby Levon Down By The River

“Gampa, I got new bawoon.”

“Where did you get that, Baby Levon?”

“Nice clown over there.”

“The one with the sign that says ‘Hydrogen Balloons?'”

“And the clown gave me a lighter.”

“NO, BABY LEVON!”

FWOMP!

“Oh, the humanity!”

“I okay, Gampa.”

“Come here, Baby Levon!”

“No, you can’t make me. Look what I got!”

“Is that the debt ceiling?”

“All mine!”

“Raise it, Baby Levon! If you don’t–”

GOVERNMENT SHUTTING DOWN NOISE

“–you’ll shut down the…dammit.”

“I okay, Gampa!”

“Hey. Asshole.”

You really shouldn’t call your–

“YOU. You are the asshole. Stop placing my beloved grandson in danger for your sick amusement.”

He’s not actually–

“CUT THE SHIT, FUCKHEAD.”

You’re so mean.

Baby Levon Sells Cartoon Balloons In Town

“Gampa, look! I gotta bawooon.”

“Where did you get that balloon, Baby Levon?”

“Nice man in Wed Sox hat.”

“PUT THAT DOWN!”

“No, you can’t make me. Gonna run over here.”

“No, Baby Levon! Stay away from the–”

Wuh-PASH!

“–bullwhip lessons!”

“I okay, Gampa!”

“We should stop scheduling those during the show.”

“I go pet doggy now.”

“No! That’s–”

UNHOLY LAUGHING NOISE

“–a hyena! Who the fuck brought a hyena?”

“I think it’s a service hyena, Dad.”

“Grahame, if I want any crap out of you, I’ll squeeze your head.”

“Aw.”

“Gampa, look! The silver moves!”

“Is that a box full of old broken thermometers? Why would you even own that, let along leave it around children?”

“That’s mine, Dad. It’s a collector’s item.”

“Grahame, I swear to God.”

“Gampa, I got fwamethrower!”

FWOOOOOOOSH

“I okay!”

“HEY! Jackass!”

“You! The one who ‘writes’ all this bullshit. Hey!”

Me?

“Yes, you. Could you stop treating my grandson like a Loony Toon?”

I could.

“Try your hardest, fucknuts.”

I’ll try.

“You told him, Dad.”

“Grahame, get off the stage. Give me your guitar and your beard and get off the stage.”

“But, Dad–”

“NOW, Mister!”

“Aw.”

World’s Greatest Gampa

phil baby levon speaker

First things first: this is the most adorable photo ever taken featuring a Grateful Dead. There have been pictures in which Grateful Deads were cute, or cheerful, sexy, or Billy, but very few adorable shots.

I also now have the image of a cartoon Baby Levon wandering through Terrapin Crossroads causing innocent chaos with Phil chasing after him.

“No, Baby Levon! Don’t touch the–”

KASHWAM

“–lighting truss!”

“I okay, Gampa.”

“Okay, good. No! Don’t step in–”

KLANGSNAP

“–the bear trap!”

“I okay, Gampa.”

“Why do we have a bear trap?”

Grateful Dead: Generations

Some things are funny; others make you smile. This is the latter.

Our man Phil showed up at his hash house for Super Bowl Sunday brunch and harmonized with his son with his grandkid in his arms. If the smile he and Grahame share around 2:15 doesn’t brighten your day, then I can’t help you, man.

All happiness is bittersweet, though, isn’t it? Baby Levon might by now more rightly be called Toddler Levon. Although, to his credit, he has maintained his position on fucks, i.e., he has none to give.

“Okay, I go with Grandma now.

“We’re in the middle of Ripple, Baby Levon.”

“Right. Okay. Grandma now.”

“It’s a short song, buddy.”

“A short song? Grampa, you weren’t in The Ramones: your idea of a “short song” is anything under 30 minutes.”

“What?”

“Goo goo ga ga.”

“I thought so.”

“But, still: Grandma now.”

“Okay.”

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