Things I Would Rather Have On My Face Than VR Goggles:
- Billy.
- Facehugger.
- Hitler mustache.
- Birthmark in the shape of Barbara Bush’s vagina.
- Barbara Bush’s vagina.
- Kaskatu, the God of Eyeball-Eating.
- Beard made of bees.
- Beard made of hornets.
- KISS makeup. (And not just the cool guys: I would rather wear Peter Criss’ makeup to a family member’s funeral than put that bullshit on my face.)
- Boils.
- Sties.
- Carbuncles.
- Barnacles.
- Tattoo on my forehead reading “The Pope is a Cunt” in Comic Sans.
- A couch cushion from a nudist colony.
- Blackface.
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