Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: benedict cumberbatch

Went To See The Doctor, Strangest I Could Find

“Benelux Cupmybuns.”

Bobby.

“Basketball Carburetor.”

No.

“Durango Stilson.”

Not even close.

“Billydrummer Cumberland.”

Topical, but still nowhere near.

“Babylover Coopersmith.”

You’re just guessing, Bob.

“Bubbles Carbonara.”

That was a burlesque dancer from St. Louis.

“Jeff Chimenti.”

That’s your keyboard player, Bobby.

“Blasingame Cirrhosis.”

Now you’re just saying words that start with B and C.

“Well, I know he’s one of those superduperheroes. Fancy accountant?”

Doctor Strange.

“Ah. Y’know, the Dead had a Doctor Strange in just about every major city.”

That’s a Doctor Feelgood, Bob.

“So, this guy’s in Mötley Crüe?”

No. He went to Oxford. He’s, like, the opposite of the Crüe.

“Dunno about that. Nikki Sixx is gutter poet.”

Sure. Question.

“Shoot.”

Josh put some highlights in his hair?

“I don’t wanna talk about it. He’s been wandering around for three days demanding the crew tell him he could pass for 34.”

Aging affects everyone differently.

“You bet.”

You own a piece of D’Angelico, don’t you?

“Shh.”

Gotcha.

Thoughts On The Doctor Strange Trailer

  • Let’s just get this out of the way:
  • Blarneystone Crumblybuns.
  • Bigbabyjesus Cappadonna.
  • Barnacle Cupmyballs.
  • Binglebangle Coopersmith.
  • Henceforth, he shall be known as BC, because I am a child and cannot resist the siren song of that man’s deeply ridiculous name.
  • This is the 19th Marvel film, and 27th overall superhero picture, to come out this month; there will be think pieces on many blogs declaring Peak Superhero in the coming weeks and months, but remember I called it first.
  • Or maybe this is what we want, as a species.
  • Maybe this what we deserve.
  • This particular Superhero Product® is another origin story in the increasingly-crowded Marvel Cinematic Universe: the death of Stephen Strange, MD, and his rebirth as Dr. Strange, Sorcerer Supreme of Earth.
  • It seems they’ve kept the basic story: an arrogant but brilliant surgeon is crippled in a car accident, causing him to grow a beard and wander the earth, winding up in Nepal; there he meets the Ancient One and learns magic.
  • From there, Dr. Strange moves back to New York and into a kick-ass brownstone in the Village, 177A Bleeker Street, and it was called the Sanctum Sanctorum and looked like this:
  • strange sanctum
  • Holy shit, how much you think that building costs now?
  • $50 million?
  • Barbara Corcoran would get the listing, I know that.
  • The skylight is a mystic sigil that protects the building and its occupants from magical attack, plus it looks bitchin’.
  • Also, you have a bit of a yard, as pictured here:
  • strange sanctum 2
  • People in the Marvel Universe want to live in Manhattan so badly, that they’ll live next to that unholy light show.
  • That’s not the climax of a battle on the ethereal plane with his longtime nemesis the Dread Dormammu: that’s just a Tuesday night.
  • It always looks like that.
  • In this building lives Strange, along with his manservant Wong.
  • Swear to God.
  • strange wong
  • There he is.
  • Wong is doing kung fu because of course he is.
  • In the movie, Wong will be played by a guy named Wong.
  • Marvel is hoping that two Wongs make a right.
  • I apologize.
  • Strange was always a tough character to write for: he lived mostly in the visuals and he was drawn best by Steve Ditko.
  • strange ditko
  • Clearly, no one was reading it for the words, although Dr. Strange had some of the best words.
  • There was the Wand of Watoomb.
  • The all-seeing Eye of Agamotto.
  • And, when startled, he would yell “By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth!”
  • Which is the best thing to say in any situation.
  • Try it the next time the doctor gives you bad news: it’ll lighten up a tough moment.
  • And he fought wonderfully-named villains like the aforementioned Dormammu, and Baron Mordo.
  • Ditko drew him well during the Sixties, then he had series on-and-off through the years, but mostly joined up with teams and appeared in those books: he was an Avenger, a Defender, he may have been a member of the Fantastic Four for a minute.
  • The character was prickly, though, and tough to root for and impossible to identify with; he was at his best when trapped in a room with other superheros bickering with them.
  • (Which brings up the question: why does the Sorcerer Supreme need to team up with, say, Beast? What does the blue monkey-person bring to the table that the Sorcerer Supreme doesn’t? The Beast is good at hanging upside down with his mutant feet; Dr. Strange could solve the problem on his own. Don’t get me started on the Defenders: that team had Hulk, Namor, and Strange. And then fucking Nighthawk and Hellcat, who were people in costumes. And Gargoyle, who was a rock-person. Defenders was the charity team of the Marvel Universe.)
  • With that out of the way: the trailer.
  • Car accident.
  • Oh nooooo.
  • How are Billybibbit Cumberland’s cheekbones?
  • They’re fine, thank God, but his hands are now shaky, which is disadvantageous for a surgeon.
  • Oh, look: Amy McAdams in in this.
  • Or Rachel Adams.
  • One of them.
  • I’m sure her character will be as well-developed as the other female leads in Marvel films.
  • A shot transitioning from New York to Nepal, and BC now begins narrating; he is using Dr. House’s American accent
  • I don’t know why Strange couldn’t have been British; after all, the Ancient One is now a white lady.
  • We’ll get to her, but first there is a man with a sword walking down the middle of the street, as one does.
  • Chiweti Ojiofor is the guy with the sword and he should be in everything; I have previously enjoyed him in the film Serenity in the role as “guy with the sword.”
  • He is playing Baron Mordo, who in the the comics kills the Ancient One, but does not do so in this trailer.
  • (Also, you can’t really kill anybody named the Ancient One: he just Obi-Wanned right back as a ghost.)
  • Speaking of the Ancient One, and white ladies, Strange now meets the Ancient One, who is a white lady.
  • In fact, it’s the whitest lady.
  • Helena Bonham-Carter is a close second, but Tilda Swinton is the whitest lady actress.
  • This is what the Ancient One used to look like:
  • [PDF] Ancient One (sorcerer) -
  • It’s a bold casting choice in 2016, is all I’m saying.
  • Perhaps being that magical turns you into a white lady?
  • When Gandalf got more magical, he turned white.
  • I’ll give Marvel this: they could have turned him white, or made him a lady, but they went all in.
  • She is also a bald white lady, and knows kung fu; she punches Strange so hard his soul flies out of his body and onto the astral plane.
  • Even Mike Tyson can’t hit that hard.
  • Then there are special effects.
  • People magic at one another, via the use of special effects.
  • Blackberry Campanella makes faces at stuff, and then has a character moment.
  • To level with you, Enthusiasts: at this point in the trailer I was noncommittal.
  • But it closed with this shot:
  • strange cape
  • Take my money.
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