Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: Confederate flag

Cash, Out



“Hi, I’m John–”

We all know who you are. Let’s just move on.

“For the best.”

The Axis And The Analogies

The General Lee should get a pass on the Confederate flag. In its many adventures with the Duke boys, who, it should be noted, never meant no harm, the General proved trustworthy, honorable, and–near the end of the run when they had destroyed all the Chargers in Southern California–sometimes she was a Ford.

The General Lee is to the Stars and Bars what Erwin Rommel is to the Nazis.

Unacceptable Arguments In Favor Of The Confederate Flag

  • State’s rights.
  • Heritage.
  • Because, like my daddy before me, I took a rebel stand.
  • It really goes with the drapes.
  • Someone done greased the pole, and I had sent my Cousin Bucky down to Mapleville with the digger: got a three-ton chifferobe what needs bustin’ up, so I will get them Stars and Bars down, Mr. Mayor, but it ain’t gon’ be today. How’s yo mama and them?
  • Benghazi.
  • First Amendment.
  • How else can we so effectively reassure white people about, and remind black people of, their respective places?
  • It’s actually not the Confederate flag: it’s the Battle Flag of the Confed–
  • I hate that fucking guy with everything in my withered husk of a heart.
  • What will white trash hotties wear on their bikinis?
  • What if we only let stone-cold teen foxes wear the flag in the form of hot pants or that thing where they tie the t-shirt up right below their boobies, would that be okay?
  • Southern girls, they got nothing to lose.
  • The archery team has run out of bullseyes, and need something to aim for.
  • What about people from nowhere near the south who want to let everyone know that they’re terrible?
  • What about the foreign racists?
  • Won’t someone think of the foreign racists?
  • Everyone is really used to giving directions referencing it.
  • The Civil War wasn’t entirely about slavery.
  • Just almost entirely; there was also some bullshit about tariffs.
  • How come we can’t fly the flag of a traitorous rebellion above a government building, when the homosexuals can hang their rainbow flags in the windows of their privately-owned bars and artisanal charcuteries?
  • Can’t afford to repaint the General Lee.
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